Rip Hamilton To Donate Pubic Beard To Charlie Villanueva

To say the Detroit Pistons are in trouble would be an epic understatement. It seems to me that ever since the move to draft Darko Milicic (when we passed on Melo, Bosh, Wade, Kaman, Collison, and West) and the move to get rid of Larry Brown in 2005 (he had been talking behind the Pistons back with the Cavs), we have been in a downward spiral of piss poor coaching and mediocrity. In the years following the essential shitcanning of Brown, we were subject to the Flip Saunders experiment and the only reason he was "successful" was because of the carry over from the work that Brown did. The rebuilding of the team in 08-09 was highlighted by hiring Michael Curry and shipping out Billups and ultimately, trading the heart and soul leader of our perennial Eastern Conference Champs. In addition, Dumars love for the aging, gambling drunkard Allen Iverson and spending 1 billion dollars on Villanueva and Gordon were not his best moves. If we were going to spend money on an aging, gambling drunkard, I would have just paid Charles "TRBL" Barkley.

Now, it hasn't been all bad. The Pistons managed to let Sheed go in 09-10. This guy should have lived on the block and made a living with smooth post moves, but instead he always seemed to jack 3s and talk shit at inopportune times and cost us game after game. They also drafted Daye, Summers, and Jerebko who look to be solid for us if we actually decide to rebuild. 2010-2011 brought us Greg Monroe who has the raw talent to become a very serviceable big man with his averages of 13 and 9 over the past month.

So, what happened to watching the Bad Boys with your dad? What happened to the heart and hustle that was shown in the days of Jerome "Junk Yard Dog" Williams? What happened to the team defense that made us the team to beat in the East? What happened to the feeling of excitement when going to a Pistons game? Now, we just go to see my future job: dancing for The Spare Tires. It seems like the only person who plays with any energy anymore is Blaha, and he is approaching the age of The Big Bang. Count THAT baby and a foul.

Let's fast-forward to our current situation with Mr. Rip Hamilton and current coach, John Kuester. In case you haven't been following, here is Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C. The past couple weeks have been highlighted by Rip blowing up on Kuester in practice, players laughing on the bench during the ejection of Kuester, Villanueva tweeting his opinions on his head coach, and players skipping shootaround on Friday because of sprained vaginas.

1) This is apparently what went down on the practice court: "Hamilton bellowed at Kuester that he had been a failure in his two seasons in Detroit, blown the opportunity the franchise afforded him and was nothing more than a career assistant coach." Hamilton managed to do this in front of all the aforementioned young guys above and apparently was staging a mutiny against Kuester. I can't even begin to explain how atrocious this is. As we look to rebuild and develop young talent, this is wildly unacceptable. Don't get me wrong, the Pistons would be better off coached by Richard Simmons and "Hanoi" Jane Fonda at this point, but blowing up on Q in the middle of practice is not the way to handle this issue. If I had known that Rip was going to be a metastatic cancer like this, I would have drafted UConn teammate Khalid El-Amin and that oversized garbage bag of an undershirt he used to wear instead. Yes, I would have separately used a draft pick on his undershirt.

2) Let's discuss Charlie Villanueva's twitter account which has apparently over 137,000 viewers. If you are someone who follows Charlie Villanueva on twitter, you should be shot and forced to donate your genitals to the National Alopecia Areata Foundation. Athletes, for some reason, think Twitter is a great forum to express their opinions on authoritative figures. The solution? Every time an athlete says something negative about the team or people affiliated with their franchise on a social website gets a 3-game suspension and fined. And none of this shit $25K fines. I'm talking MASSIVE fines. I don't think our founding fathers had twitter and facebook in mind when discussing freedom of speech. And even if they did discuss twitter, I'm sure they didn't discuss following Charlie Villanueva for fear of losing their genitals. The bottom line: air your dirty laundry with the source of displeasure and not on public websites.

3) All of this culminated on Friday when the Pistons skipped shootaround as a type of mutiny against their head coach. I'll admit, not bringing in anyone at the trade deadline was pretty dumb. That being said, Hamilton was offered options to get out of Detroit but turned them down because he didn't want to play for the Cavs (or be bought out to go to the Bulls) given their current record. So now he is stuck to rot on the bench where he belongs. I would have liked to have seen the Pistons bring in someone like Gerald Wallace who the Bobcats were selling like 50/50 raffle tickets at your local high school game.

Alas, were stuck with a coalition of veterans who continue to stage a coup d'état against their boss while the young players are forced to watch what happens when grown men become babies and ultimately, get their way. With the impending sale of the team, one word comes to mind for Joe Dumars. Hamstrung. The higher powers won't let any transactions occur and we're forced to watch a 22-39 team attempt to shave a 5.5 game deficit and hobble into the playoffs where they would be dismantled by any athletic team in history. Rip, Prince, CV all have to go. I don't care if we're forced to field a team consisting of Powder, Alf, Napoleon Dynamite, Doug Funny, and Optimus Prime. I am sick of these previously proud, presently pretentious primadonna's promoting pouting. Bring in some young guys that want to play for a mediocre coach (Re: Cleveland Cavaliers) and then can Kuester after the season. We should bring in Les Miles to coach! For real though, with whatever money we can spend, bring in Jerry Sloan to finish out his coaching career. He would do a wonderful job with talent development and would act as an enforcer. I'd be willing to spearhead a fundraiser at Bazooki's and The Old Shillelagh to get him here.

Richard Hamilton should be ashamed of what he is doing to an entire franchise. Just because he "fist-bumped" with Kuester and took passes from him today does not rectify our current situation. He is setting a terrible example for our young core and his incessant crybaby attitude has become taxing. He will never be Reggie Miller. He will never be Ray Allen. Take off the mask and expose who he really is: an aging veteran at the tail end of his career who needed Chauncey Billups to get anywhere in the NBA.

The NBA: Where Players Revolt

Leverage. It's not a show you see three thousand commercials for when you are watching the NBA on TNT. It's something that NBA players have been utilizing all season in order to get their way. It started with the Decision by Lebron James. While the event itself was short-sighted and orchestrated, it was made possible by one fact. Lebron James was free to go on ESPN to announce his decision because he was an unrestricted free agent free to go to any team with the right sales pitch and marketing plan. Players, especially, star players, hold tremendous leverage over team ownership and management because they are the ones that fans want to pay to see.

Unrestricted free agency means that players can use the threat of leaving via the open market to get teams to cave into their demands, whether it be Carmelo and LaLa deciding that they would rather be second round Sallies/failed reality stars in New York than Denver or Kobe threatening to take his talents to the other locker room in Staples Center unless the Lakers traded an aging Shaq. Too often teams are forced to trade star players in the NBA for less than fair value. The Nuggets-Knicks trade was reasonably fair given the man crush James Dolan has for Melo. Denver acquired three legitimate NBA starters and draft picks for an All Star and an aging yet very productive veteran in Chauncey Billups. They were able to make the best of a bad situation. Still, Dwight Howard and Chris Paul, both of whom can hit free agency after the 2012 season, can hold their teams by the balls and be able to dictate where they go next, and whether it is by trade or free agency. Teams, ultimately, have two options when star players try to play the free agency card. They can call his bluff and let him to play out his contract and thus risk losing the player to free agency or they can trade him at a discount and get a 3/4ths return. Carmelo tanked his trade value by letting out the open secret that he wanted to go only to the Knicks. This meant that the only real contenders became the Nets and the Knicks, and ultimately the Nets did nothing but drive up the price for the Knicks in a shrewd manner while I think secretly working on the Deron Williams deal. Utah pulled the trigger on the Williams trade in an effort to beat him to the punch. I don't think that they felt that he would be returning to Utah once he hit free agency, and I think the incident(s) with Jerry Sloan made it a toxic atmosphere in an organization that is very buttoned up. But by trading Williams before he really held leverage, Utah was able to get back a very strong package of players and picks. Devin Harris is a very good and still fairly young point guard to replace Williams, and the addition of Derek Favors gives the Jazz a very strong and young front line.

With the Collective Bargaining Agreement( man, has that word been in the news a lot recently) set to expire at the end of this season, it is interesting to see how the owners will attempt to reduce the amount of leverage unrestricted free agency carries. It is probably impossible to retract unrestricted free agency but the league may be able to get the players to acquiesce to a franchise player-type tag. The franchise player tag could be touted as a way to keep small market teams from losing their star caliber players, but in reality it would just be a way to get another year from players in a contract. The owners are trying to get the salary cap lowered a few million dollars a year and they will. The owners will hold players accountable for the bad contracts they gave out instead of holding the bad GM's they hired accountable. Ultimately, teams are losing millions upon millions in the NBA because they were poorly managed and no one will play to see them play in a shitty economy. The top ten teams in the NBA in terms of attendance percentage per game( how much of your arena is filled every night) are the Mavericks, Bulls, Trail Blazers, Magic, Heat, Celtics, Lakers, Knicks, and Thunder. The common denominator amongst all of these teams is that they are all pretty good, given the Knicks acquisition of Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups. People in Minneapolis aren't exactly clamoring to go watch Kevin Love put up ho-hum double-double while the Timberwolves lose by 25. The onus is on owners and management to put together a competitive product if they want to stop losing money. The elite teams in the league have to play by the same salary rules, so the owners losing money really cannot cry wolf, but they will, and we won't have basketball for at least a portion of next year.

Au Revoire, Wonder of the World

Keisel shaves off his beard that he has been growing for 8 months...I couldn't grow this thing in 8 lifetimes...

Cheers to this cat.

Awesomeness

Soccer = Best Sport in the World

A while back, HamSlam wrote a blog post in which he described the pure and almost childish elation that he and so many other red-blooded Americans experiences when the man at bat smashes a home run clear out of the park, and this got me thinking.. Are there any other sports in which, at any given point during the game, one man's individual class and effort can cause the entire stadium to simply go nuts like baseball and it's home run do? Sure, football has its last-play-of-the-game hail marys and basketball has its buzzer beaters and whatnot, but the satisfaction these sports give their fans lies mainly in the result of the game, not in the actual play of the game.
Baseball's home run is only topped in awesomeness by soccer and it's wonder-goal. While home runs are always cool, even when you're like me and don't follow baseball, it's not THAT uncommon for even the most mediocre of batters to hit one or two every now and then. In soccer though, where games are often decided after 90 minutes by a solitary goal, the satisfaction of witnessing a career-making 40 yard screamer rocket into the upper 90 is indescribable. While good batters can hit hundreds of home runs in their careers, even the best soccer players might only score one or two of these dream goals in their careers. Seeing a grown man fall to his knees with tears of joy pouring down his face because of his own awesomeness makes the game seem so much more personal; it makes me want to jump into my tv and join the celebrations on the field.
I know this is an over-simplification, but as a baseball player, if you swing the bat hard and at the right time, you can hit a home run. But, in soccer, there's no pitcher, no bat, and no 3-strike rule: just a man and a ball. Wonder-goals only occur, however, when a player's set-up and execution are perfect, and even then, a decent amount of luck is involved. That's why these goals are one of, if not the single most awesome things to witness in the wide world of sports. And that's why I leave you with these videos. Are you happy, PeePee? I finally wrote and published a soccer blog...


24 year old Fredy Guarin scoring what will surely be the goal of his career

Arjen Robben is a machine and has a whole compilation of dream goals

Robben's international teammate Wesley Sneijder with an exemplary wonder-goal

Many of you probably saw Wayne Rooney's upper-90 overhead game-winner against Manchester City the other week, but, just a few days later, French striker Jimmy Briand decided to how Rooney how he prefers to take his bicycle kicks; blasting a shot through the keeper > upper 90

EDIT:

One of the most awesome wonder-goals ever: 17 year old Julian Draxler marks his professional debut with this absolute dream goal (1min 37sec) after coming as a sub late into extra time in this German Cup game with the game tied, securing a place in the quarterfinals just minutes from the game going to a penalty shootout. Unreal.

Food for Thought: Why the Lions Should TradeTheir 1st Round Pick

What is the Lions biggest need in the 2011 Draft? The biggest holes are in the secondary, depth at LB and DE. A highly skilled OT would be nice as well, since Backus' consecutive game streak could end at any time. The Lions need playmakers and they need them immediately. Will a rookie DB, LB or DE really be able to step in and have a Ndamukong Suh like impact? It's possible, but not likely. Who are the top free agents in 2011?? CB Namdi Asomugha, LB/DE LaMaar Woodley, LB Tamba Hali, LB Chad Greenway, and CB Antonio Cromartie. The NFL is a business right? If you are going to pay a guy first round money, why not not get a known commodity?

Now I'm not saying it is easy to trade first round picks because they are expensive, but if we can trade down in the first round multiple times from 13 to 16, 16 to 21, 21 to 25 etc. we will rack up later round picks and save ourselves some money. I say have this plan in place and attack the free agent market. Go get a guy who can help your team NOW. Go pay that first round money to Asomugha or Woodley and instantly improve your defense. Bringing a guy like Woodley back to his home state would be fantastic and fans would rejoice.

The NFL is a business and it is time the Lions start treating it like one.

Emo Cabrera Joins Dashboard Confessional: "You Don't Know Anything About My Problems!"

One of these mugshots is not like the other! But before I give you the answer, let's have a nice little flashback. October 2009. the Tigers lose to the Twins after leading the division since May and ultimately lose the Central and do not go to the playoffs. Worst 4 hours of my life. I think we all know where I'm going from here. The night before, Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera stays out too late, drinks too much, and hits his wife which leads to him half-assing the game, and us losing maybe the most heartbreaking baseball game I have ever seen. I do not think I have ever been so irate at a Detroit player in my life. Well, upon thinking about childhood, I do remember Piston great Bill Laimbeer telling me, "Kid, I don't do autographs" and my dad about punching him in the ear, but thats a blog for another day. Miggy fans said, "It wont happen again." "He's a changed man." "He's our best player." Flash forward to the 2010 season where he finished with a .328 average and 38 home runs which led to him finishing 2nd in the MVP voting. "He turned a corner." "He doesn't drink anymore." Now, while he was creaming the ball last year and memories of him ruining our 2009 season were being slept under the rug, some of us didn't forget the past.

Let's flash forward now to our present conundrum. About a month before our most promising season in many, Miggy is arrested on DUI charges. I wish this is where the story ended, but alas, it is not. The only worse time to fuck up than RIGHT before the season is if you're in a playoff to get into the playoffs. Catching my drift?

My first issue with this story is the fact that he was driving a car with a bum engine which was smoking when the cops came to the scene. He is set to make $20 million this season. 20,000,000. If I made that kind of money, I would definitely own the Delorean. I would then drive said Delorean roughly 88 mph to activate the flux capacitor and go back in time to make better fucking decisions. Either that, or I would hire Elian Gonzalez to follow me around and any time 1 ounce of alcohol touched my face, he would be my DD. If imagining Elian Gonzalez and Miguel Cabrera in an inner tube in a major Florida city doesn't make you smile, then you do not have a sense of humor. Shit, if Miggy would have called me, I would have crawled to Florida and let him ride on my back to his house for just a small fraction of that 20 mil.

My second issue is Cabrera's behavior whilst inside his vehicle. I'm nearly positive that the dumbest thing you can do while behind the wheel is take a swig directly from the bottle you have been drinking. Couldn't he have hid it in a Bubba Keg or something? He might as well have been pointing a weapon at the cop while admitting that he has a kilo of Colombian Bam Bam under his seat.

My third issue here is a chicken and the egg debate. Let me explain:
"According to the police report, Cabrera was wandering into the road with his hands up before he was handcuffed. The report quoted him saying, 'Do you know who I am? You don't know anything about my problems,' and cursing at deputies who tried to get him into a patrol car."

What I mean is did his alcoholic tendencies stem from deep-seeded issues with his wife or did the bottle lead to issues with his significant other? Either way, making 20 million and being one of the best players in the MLB doesn't sound like huge problems. Maybe, there are other issues from childhood we don't know about and never will. And let me address his quote, "You don't know anything about my problems." Perhaps he doesn't realize that the WHO estimates that there are around 140 million alcoholics worldwide and 50% of marriages end in divorce. Miggy, why don't you stop being so goddamn narcissistic and find ways to cope with these issues other than driving a jalopy around in Florida with a bottle of scotch. Stop blowing your career batting average into the breathalyzer and grow up.

The fourth issue to address is how the police handled the issue. "One deputy struck Cabrera in the left thigh several times with his knee after Cabrera pushed into him, causing the ballplayer to fall into the patrol car." Picture this, please. A cop kneeing an oversized professional baseball player to try and get him to submit. I have a lot of trouble trying to play this scenario out in my head and why didn't the cop just use his hands? Pistol? Tazer? The next fight you get into, I beg you to just try and use your knees to defend yourself. See what happens.

And leave it to Ozzie Guillen to stand up for Miggy, too. Guillen has a known history of making fun of homosexuals, puppies, midgets, other minorities, kitties, and babies. It's only natural for him to come to the rescue of a rich drunk who can't make decisions on his own.

Revisiting my first sentence of this post, I ask you, which one of these mug shots is not like the other? If you guessed that one is of an Asian person, I award you half credit. If you guessed the ghastly one of the person smiling, you receive full credit. Who smiles in their mugshot? I could not look happier in a photo if it was taken at the birth of my first child. This really looks like a guy who's having problems that we, the "common folk," are unable to comprehend. And what the fuck is he wearing?!? Is that a denim scrub top? This looks like a picture taken directly from Beaumont hospital's website. If I could have photoshopped a stethoscope around his neck, I would have.

My bottom line is that kids look up to this guy and he continues to shit on their dreams. I will never understand how these guys bank so much money, yet can't hire an immigrant to drive them around when they are drinking. As Tigers fans, we can just sit and hope that this doesn't interfere with his season. If nothing happens and he gets let off, I wonder if Miggy will go out in a golf cart in the middle of Miami with a handle of Canada House screaming, "you guys will never understand me! I'm so misunderstood! I hate my life!" Win the trial or not, he has managed to lose my support. I can only hope that Carlos Guillen somehow had a bionic hip installed this offseason or the Tigers installed Foxtrax behind the baseball so Ryan Rayburn can adequately track down a flyball...

I Hate Evan Smotrycz With Every Fiber of My Soul

This article is the product of my simmering rage for one Evan Smotrycz of the Michigan basketball team. Last nights game against Illinois was the final straw. I have reached my boiling point. Those of you who correspond with me during Michigan games know this hatred is well-documented and long-standing. Evan Smotrycz is the worst basketball player I have ever seen. I hate him.

When we first recruited him I was excited. He came out of high school looking like the prototypical player for Beilien's system. He was tall (6-9) and he had range. However, over the course of the last 27 games he has proven to be completely inept. First of all, whoever accused him of being a good shooter is an idiot. He is shooting a robust 38% from the floor and 66% from the line. Horrible. Second of all, despite his height, he plays smaller than anyone on the floor. He hangs out on the perimeter on offense doing nothing but occasionally spotting up for a 3 pointer when Belein needs a strategical missed field goal that leads to a fast break the other way. On defense he is about as intimidating as an adolescent Asian child. He gets pushed around in the post by forwards and guards dribble right around him like he's not even there. Seriously, he is a 6-9 "power forward" who averages 2.4 rebounds and .3 blocks per game. Do you know who averages more rebounds per game than Smotrycz? 5 other players on the team, 4 of whom are guards. Our point guard out-rebounds him by 1.6 a game. And what is the reaction to all this horrid play? HE STARTS! Every time I see him my blood boils.

Last night against the Illini Smotrycz had another stellar showing. He went 2-9 from the floor. The 3 pointer that he made DESPERATELY tried to come out. It spun around in the rim for at least 2 seconds before going down. He nearly blew the other shot he made, a wide open lay-up set up by a brilliant pass from Morris. Then, in the least shocking turn of events in the history of time, Smotrycz got wide open with 3 seconds left, down 2. He slid to his left to shake the only would-be defender, got an uncontested shot off and.......missed horribly. The shot went careening off the backboard, never anywhere near threatening to win the game. In fact, Stu Douglass got the rebound and without looking turned and fired it with one hand as time expired and at least drew rim. Literally, a player blindly threw up a one handed prayer that had a better chance of scoring that Smotrycz getting a set shot wide open in rhythm. I drowned my sorrows in beer and liquor, but really all I want to do is drown him.

I have never hated a member of any of my school's athletic teams this ardently before. There have been guys I didn't like, but I find myself outwardly rooting against him. I would get up and cheer if he blew his knee out. Before Smotrycz, the only Michigan athlete I ever loathed was Morgan Trent, but mostly that was because he couldn't cover one of those mannequins that doesn't even have arms (how is that guy in the NFL?). My hatred levels for Smotrycz are exponentially greater. I wish there was some way to transfer him to Guantanamo Bay A&M. The worst thing of it all is that we have no height coming in next year so he is going to continue getting a lot of playing time despite the fact his height is irrelevant because he thinks he's a shooting guard (who can't shoot).

Despite this untalented asswipe parading his incompetence on the floor night in and night out, I will applaud the team as a whole (minus him, because he should die). I never dreamed that the Illinois game would even be relevant coming into this season. Losing Harris and Sims I thought would mean a complete lack of competition from our team. The guys are buying into the system though, and since this team has 0 seniors and 2 juniors the future is very bright.

But seriously, I will give you $10 to whoever runs Smotrycz down with their car or gives him bone marrow cancer. Our team will thrive without him.

A Doppelganger In Our Midst

It has recently come to my attention that there is a famous doppelganger that is a contributor to this very blog. Our very own George Doman may be leading a secret life as an NFL Quarterback! Here is a side by side of Doman (pictured with Marshawn Lynch) and Cardinals QB Derek Anderson...














Now THAT is uncanny.

Maurice Clarett: Where's the Ammo?

Cleveland snapped their 26 game skid with a win this weekend, but decided to lose in hoops and hockey. Yes, they have had a nice run in college football and hoops but their NBA team managed to start a new skid tonight with a loss to Washington at home. At this point, I wouldn't put money on the Cavs if they played University of Phoenix Online or Everest Institute where minorities in parking lots constantly berate you for sitting on the couch and doing nothing with your life.

To THE OSU faithful, kudos on beating Mich twice this season in hoops and once in football. But take a look at this...

Maurice Clarett

Good luck finding a Michigan grad who was found with a katana in his car during his arrest. I haven't used one of those since performing a fatality circa Mortal Kombat 2. And if that's not enough for you, police also found a loaded AK47 in his vehicle. I haven't wielded one of those since I was in the Temple of Goldeneye 007 on "automatics" mode. I'm surprised they didn't find a loaded RCP90, proximity mines, and the ever-dangerous klobb. The officers even used a taser on him unsuccessfully because he was wearing kevlar body armor. Go ahead and try and find a UM athlete who wears body armor while driving. The only thing I know about body armor is that you can find some if you go backwards when starting the Cradle level. And who the hell drives around with an open bottle of Grey Goose? A Michigan grad would at least have a bottle of Heaven Hill or Kamchatka. And take a look at the handguns. Why carry around an AK and 2 handguns? Was he fighting off the Taliban? Was he trying to recreate GTA3? The only thing that doesn't fit is his lint roller which I am not sure if he was planning to use as a weapon or to rid himself of unwanted hair from his pet cuddly critter or his illegitimate children. I can't read what the CD is in the photo but I can only assume it was Chumbawumba or Ace of Base's gem, "All That She Wants."

Let's hope that this is your biggest win in the next 20 seasons of college sports.

Prospect let off on charges where he fondled a 15 year old girl

And if that doesn't tickle your fancy...here's something else to be proud of...

Oops.

To the proud OSU fans...you may be able to load and shoot guns or successfully lint roll animal hair from your body, but I challenege you to slappers only in the Library on "License to Kill" mode.

Analysis of Detroit Lions First Round Draft Options

The NFL draft is still 2 months away, but that will never deter me from (over)analyzing their possible draft strategies. In this article I solely want to analyze the options they have with their first round (#13 overall) pick.

Before I start, I have heard some lamentation by fans that we won 4 meaningless games at the end of the season that have "ruined" our draft pick. To those people I say "fuck off". We have an incredibly young team that will return primarily intact. Learning how to win against good teams (Green Bay, @ Tampa, @ Miami, Minnesota) is invaluable. Not only did we win two division games, but we also won our first two road games since the dawn of time (one against a very good young Tampa team). I know naysayers will claim we would have been blown out by Green Bay had Rodgers not been hurt. Maybe that's true. But keep in mind we were on our THIRD STRING QB. Stanton blows. And the fact of the matter was Rodgers did nothing to move the ball against us when he was in there. Our defense stood up to a terrific offense, and even with a 3rd stringer we managed to make just enough plays to beat the eventual super bowl champions. For the psyche of a young team, these wins were crucial. I honestly believe that they will instill our team with confidence to begin the 2011 season.

There are a few schools of thought on how to use a pick like this; namely, draft the best player at a position of need or draft the best player available. Before I digress into which strategy I support I will do a cursory evaluation of some players that will be available when we draft. I am making the assumption that players like Von Miller and Prince Amukamara will NOT be available at pick 13. I think that this assumption is safe, but if for some reason one of the IS available this post becomes obsolete and we should draft them immediately.

Robert Quinn- DE North Carolina
Big physical player with great outside speed. Was suspended the whole 2010 season so obviously some character questions, but from what has been printed a lot of the allegations have been proven untrue. As long as he is still in football shape he is a terrific player.

Adrian Clayborn- DE Iowa
When he's motivated he is almost impossible to stop. Serious questions about that motivation though, and obvious conditioning issues.

Ryan Kerrigan- DE Purdue
Absolutely relentless on the field. Honestly, the hardest working player I saw all last season watching college football. High character guy, but not quite as polished as some of the other DE's on this list.

Cameron Jordan- DE California
Proved to be extremely effective as a pass rusher AND at stopping the run off the edge.

Nate Solder- OT Colorado
Best OL prospect in the draft. Excellent in both run and pass protection. Will need some work, but has a pretty high ceiling as far as talent is concerned.

Brandon Harris- CB Miami
Considered by most to be the third best CB in this draft class (behind Peterson and Amukamara) but the talent differential between them and Harris is substantial. He is a very good athlete, but he is unpolished and may not be an immediate starter. Has the tools to be very good though.

Jimmy Smith- CB Colorado
Smith is a player that is rising quickly on many draft boards. Big, fast, and very physical for a CB. Has as much upside as any of the top Corners in the draft.

Julio Jones- WR Alabama
Interesting prospect for the Lions. While WR is not a primary need for the Lions, the offense could use another play-maker out there. Burleson has had an injury plagued career and even when he's healthy he is inconsistent. Jones is a ridiculously talented player that would be deadly lined up across from Calvin Johnson.

Mark Ingram- RB Alabama
Another interesting prospect from the Lions perspective. Everyone loves Jahvid Best, and deservedly so, but he has proven that even though he is a dynamic play-maker, he is not an every down between the tackles runner. Ingram would provide a punch, and they could form an impressive thunder and lightning combo.

Akeem Ayers- OLB UCLA
The second highest ranked LB in the draft behind Miller. A decent cover LB that would provide an excellent speed rush off the edge.

Discussion/Rambling
This draft is very deep on the defensive line. I have listed 4 defensive linemen in this list of 10 players. While the Lions defensive line is probably the biggest strength of the entire team, having quality depth at that position is never a bad thing. Vanden Bosch will not be along for too much longer, and getting a stud player to replace him could be invaluable. Not to mention using the drafted player as the primary backup or even moving Cliff Avril to the backup position. In any event, if the Lions were to value one of these DE's as the Best Available and take them based on that I wouldn't be upset. I firmly believe that taking the best available player is nearly always the proper move to make. The Lions have strong needs at LB, CB, and OL. Solder and Ayers are the only two viable players at #13 for OL and LB and neither jump out at me as players that could even necessarily start from day 1. At CB I find myself more impressed with what I've seen from Smith versus what I've seen from Harris. I feel like taking Harris at #13 would be a stretch. So what would I do? There is no easy answer. If the Lions were to take Kerrigan, Smith, Jordan, or Quinn I would fully endorse it. If they took Jones or Ingram I would have to grapple with it, but I think I could come around to that too (especially Jones who is freaky good). I do think reaching down for a player like Ayers or Harris is a mistake. If they are set on one of those guys, Mayhew & co. would be better suited trying to trade down in the 20s range and pick up e one of those guys + an extra 2nd rounder. The bottom line for the Lions is that they need play-makers in their back 7. With diligent evaluation they will be able to find that in later rounds, so I say they should go out and draft whoever they think is the most talented player at #13 regardless of position.

Cavs Lose 26th Straight: Still 7th Seed In Eastern Conference

Whew. The Pistons managed to hold off the Cavs last night to push Cleveland's losing streak to 26. How they have managed this feat, I am not sure. In my days of watching the NBA, I have never seen a team take a tumble so quickly after losing their leader. Announcers say that if the Suns lost Nash, they would plummet, but I don't think it would be anywhere near as terrible as this has been. They have tons of young talent and have 10 guys who have 4 years or less of NBA experience. I believe veteran Antawn Jamison is going to need to hoist 35 shots for them to ultimately break this streak. I also believe that if Mo Williams was not sitting out with a sprained spirit and pouty face, then this streak would not have happened. You can't fault 2nd year man JJ Hickson for the skid; he is averaging 17 and 11 and just over a block per game over his last 2 weeks and is cementing himself as one of the hardest working rebounders in the game despite being only 6'9". How about Ramon Sessions who is averaging 16, 4, and 10 assts over his last 2 weeks? So, how are these guys not winning despite stellar play from some of their starters? I don't think it's that they are getting outmatched every night. I don't think it's because the other team was better 26 times in a row. I think it starts on the defensive end. They need to draw a line in the sand and NOT lose to the Wizards in the next few days (who have not won on the road all year). They need to forge a leader in the midst of all this losing. If you have been a UM basketball fan for the last few years, you know the leader is not going to be Manny Harris. I'm not sure if Antawn has much left to give to the game and Mo Williams lost his heart to play when Lebron abandoned him. Ramon Sessions will go back to the bench when Mo returns. So that leaves Daniel Gibson (*sigh*). I don't see a lot of hope for a team with a leader nicknamed "boobie." Play with some pride and snap this streak, fellas! I can't believe it, but I will actually be cheering you on tomorrow against the Clippers. Commit to stopping Griffin with constant hounding and double teams. Make Baron Davis beat you from the 3-pt stripe. Byron Scott, get your head out of your ass, and coach these kids! Show some passion and maybe it'll rub off on some of the youngsters.

In the meantime, I will continue to visit this site and chortle...
Did the Cavs Win Last Night?

**This article was not meant to bash the Cavs who already have it bad enough, but it in no way changes my hatred for the state of Ohio.

Fun times in Cleveland again!
This video has 3.2 million views on youtube and I can easily take credit to 650,000 views.

Angry Democrat Sides with Palin Esque Carolers

"The National Anthem"

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we watched at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?


This is our national anthem, the song that precedes most, if not all, important sporting events in high school gymnasiums all the way thru max capacity sporting arenas. The roots of this song are not embedded in American history, in fact the song stems from an English drinking song, and then remixed like your latest hip-hop masterpiece. This is only fitting given the events that transpired this past Sunday prior to the start of the Super Bowl. Taking the song back to its original heritage of over indulgers stumbling around hitting three of four lyrics as they watch the latest Association football ( Soccer) match, Miss Aguilera thought it was in her best interest to imbibe a few celebratory cocktails prior to singing, what most consider, the most patriotic song in America. Unfortunately, this was not a slip up at your local pub resulting from a few too many glasses of Port. This was the grandest stage in all of America, for Christ sake it was in Dallas of all places. I am surprised that no one caught this until the Monday morning press got a hold of it. I can honestly say that I was watching the entire thing unfold and I did not catch the slip up. So who should be taken behind the pub for a good old fashion donney brooke. Christina? Or the countless number of fans that missed the words honoring those who died for their cheese filled pretzels?

While you marinate on that, think of the lyrics of My Country ‘tis of The, or The Pledge of Allegiance. Can you remember all the lyrics? Can to revert back to elementary school where you recited this at nauseam? How about the Big Mac song?

Two all beef patties
special sauce
lettuce
cheese
pickles
onions
on a sesame seed bun



Pretty scary isn’t it.

Go ahead and peak at the real anthem, as the one posted prior was the mistake that CA made on Sunday. Did you catch it? Or did you senselessly pass over it as you do most times when it is sang before the game.

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we HAILED at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?


I charge you with this. Instead of burning those who mess up the lyrics on a cross, challenge yourself to embrace what the song means to you and those who we sing it for. You might find that you begin to sway like the players on the sideline, or moved to tears like some in the stands. However, if you don’t feel anything at all and piss and moan about having to take your kangaroo cap off do not be surprised if you find yourself bobbing in Boston Harbor next time you cross paths with the many that take this adopted drinking song as their own. Cheers.

Oh, hey, guys.

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be checking in here from time to time to make obscure references to weird NBA shoe endorsements, mid 90's euro bball players, stupid looking college basketball coaches, and sharing dopplegangers like the one I've been waiting for proper forum for dist. for roughly 2.17 years. For the record, I won't reference anything else. For the record, that's Marshawn Lynch and Junior Gorg from the show Fraggle Rock, separated at birth.

Aguilera Accidentally Sings The Kazakhstan National Anthem

Before I slowly slip into a diabetic coma from this year's Superbowl diet, I would like to make some comments about the big game and the Puppy Bowl. First, I need to discuss the evolution of the spread of food on SB Sunday. When you were a child and watching the game with buddies, it was filled with apple slices, Surge, PB&Js, and Capri Suns but as you got older, the diet somehow transformed into Hoho's, bacon, and bacon wrapped Hoho's. The amount of sodium I just ingested would be comparable to that of a deer lick. So, as my body goes into shock from the 7500 mg of sodium that I just put in my face, I would like to get some words out about today's big events.

The Puppy Bowl started at 3PM and is running until 3AM and I am seriously contemplating staying up to watch the 3rd quarter for the 4th time (No, I'm not kidding). It was a well-played defensive struggle by both sides with lots of good action, big hits, cheesy product placement and minimal scoring. CB got the MVP nod and it's hard to argue with that as he put in a workman's like effort and took over the game early. My one big beef with the game was the refereeing. The Zach Braff lookalike constantly blew plays dead with questionable calls like 2 "illegal napping on the field", 1 "excessive cuteness", 2 "unpuppylike conduct", and 6 "unnecessary ruffruffruffness." Excessive cuteness? Really? Why should a puppy ever be penalized for being excessively cute? If that was the case, the ref would have thrown the flag for the entire show. And if napping was illegal, Laura would get 5 flags per day for it. The puppies should have claimed they were "resting their eyes." When I started watching the PB, there was an occasional intentional grounding for poop on the field. These calls were warranted. If a puppy shits on the field, not only should he be penalized, he/she should also be fined $15,000 and have to sit out the opening drive of the next half. He really needed to swallow his whistle and let the puppies play. I digress. The hamsters driving the blimp managed to avoid a Hindenburg disaster and the kiss cam went over well with many "awwwwwws" coming from our front room. The smooth scatting during the kiss cam was a nice touch. The kitty halftime show was easily the best 15 minutes of television I have seen since last year's kitty halftime show. I managed to avoid 95% of the Black Eyed Peas performance and I can only hope that after their abysmal performance, they spiral downwards into a web of peyote and Hypnotiq and end up on a VH1's Behind The Music. Please, BEP, DVR Murder She Wrote, Netflix Season 1 of Matlock, go back to your davenports, and call it a career. And for what it's worth, 15 minutes of kitties running around on LSD while confetti rains down and strobe lights going off would trump anything on television.

The big game was pretty good, as well. I'll admit, it started out a little shaky with Aguilera forgetting the lyrics to the national anthem. I wonder if she knows the lyrics to "Happy Birthday." After the Steelers went down 14, I thought that GB might be running away with it. They did a nice job of fighting back late in the 1st half and 3rd quarter. From what I saw, it seemed like the Packers constantly had the Steelers on their heels despite a complete absence of a running game. Starks/Jackson were completely forgotten after carrying them into the game to begin with. With that being said, Rodgers was masterful going 24-39, 304 yds, and 3 TDs with 6 dropped passes. Two of those drops could have easily went to the barn and Rodgers numbers could look much more gaudy. I think the bottom line of the game was that the younger, less experienced team managed to hold onto the ball while the wily veterans couldn't hold on to it. GB consistently made the Steelers pay for coughing it up and looked like the team that had been there before. And the commercials were pretty solid. Everyone will be talking about the Chrysler commercial tomorrow and 40% of facebook members even posted it on their wall. Love the pro-Detroit feel of it and nice to see nearly all of the filming was done within 1 mile of where I used to live (on the corner of Broken Dreams and Mangled Spirits). They did a nice job of leaving out the shank victims and miscellaneous crack heads hounding you for money. And kudos to Eminem for making up for that horriawful commercial of him pushing Brisk Iced Tea. Didn't that shit go out of style with josta?

Absolutely HATE seeing Woodson and Driver go down with injuries. If there was any 2 guys that deserved to play every snap on their side of the ball, it was these cats. Happy to see them get the rings, but I wish they could have played more. And to Woodson, tack on a SB championship to being a National Champion, a Heisman winner, 7 Pro Bowl Selections, and a Defensive MVP of the NFL. I only wish it could have culminated with a SB MVP but it wasn't in the cards. Enjoy the belt Rodgers, you earned it this year. With this win, he managed to shed the Brett Favre monkey on his back and solidified himself as one of the great NFL QBs.

Jim Leyland Completes Transatlantic Kayak Voyage and Rodgers Throwing Rocks Tonight

I did it. I sat down with 75% of the United States and watched the Super Bowl. Wives making cheese dip and running in the room for commercials, fans cheering on their teams, and I was giving major professional sports another chance. I’m not sure how much more of Favre, Tiger, excessive celebrations, lockouts, holdouts, drug charges, steroids, “Decisions”, “Melodramas”, weapon possessions, sexual assaults, recruiting violations, arguments with refs, dog fights, manslaughters, and Twitter outbursts I can take. Its ok, take my man card…I even offered to give up cable. The content delivered during live broadcasts of pro sports has plummeted in the last 5 years. Remember when you watched ESPN and they actually delivered stats and focused on the TALENT of the athletes? Probably not since this.

Over the last couple years I’ve narrowed down my sports hobby to mostly fantasy teams, Red Wings, Tigers baseball, and events happening every four years. The great thing about fantasy sports is that it allows me to indirectly follow various pro leagues while focusing on what matters- the on field performance. God bless the NHL, which has been all but exterminated in the U.S. because of ESPN’s monopoly. Fuck TV rights and contracts. Imagine if Yzerman and Lidstrom were eulogized by the mass media like some modern day stars. The thing about baseball is that when you walk into a ballpark you completely lose track of time. And I’m not talking about the $100 worth of beer and hot dogs on a Sunday afternoon loss of time. I’m talking about the sounds of your childhood. Now two decades later you hear the same ball hitting the wood bat, the snapping of a leather glove, or the sound of metal cleats in the dugout (the greatest sound in sports).

I will admit the Super Bowl was a great game, but where do I go from here? How about Aleksander Doba, a 64 year old kayaker, who recently completed a 99 day solo journey across the Atlantic Ocean. Or David Goggins, a Navy SEAL who runs 125-150 miles per week on his free time while training for ultramarathons. How about Stefaan Engels, a 49 year old Belgian who just completed 365 marathon races in 365 days. Admittedly, he has received some national attention on the news. The knee jerk reaction would be to say “well he probably walked”, but he actually averaged around 4 hour races. Lastly, what about you? Maybe it’s time you got on a bike, put on your running shoes, or jumped in a pool. Stop wasting so much time on people that don’t give anything in return. Pick up a basketball and be part of a sport instead of being a spectator. Invest in becoming your own favorite athlete. You think you surround yourself with good people? Look at the type of people you let into your living room on a nightly basis.

Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling.

Brett Keisel's Beard Should Be A Wonder Of The World

Not being able to grow a beard is disappointing, both to myself and my manhood. As we approach the big game, I would like to salute Brett Keisel's beard. The thing is tremendous. Not tremendous enough to allow me to cheer for Ben Roethlisberger, but bad ass nonetheless. Yes, he does look like a wild, transient hobo, but before you criticize realize that that thing could easily house a family of birds (a la Family Guy). PETA should recognize it as a wildlife refuge and protect it! If I was a TE and was to lineup across from him and saw that luscious facial hair trying to escape from his chin strap, I would have to fight off the urge to laugh and cry at the same time.

I have also added 3 other examples of amazing facial hair. Brian Wilson's beard is so dense, it looks fake. However, I think he dyes it, which is why I give the nod to Keisel as best beard of the millenium. RP Clay Zavada, with that amazing mustache, looks like he could be the ringleader in a traveling circus. Seriously, can't you see him introducing the bearded woman? Christoph Waltz will be playing the villian in the new movie Water for Elephants but Zavada would have also been a good choice. I have never seen someone look so shady while actually playing baseball. The first beard shown is that of Shawn Buchanan. I added his here because it is well-kept, well-trimmed, auburn and perhaps the best beard I have actually seen. I have also added an example of when facial hair goes terribly wrong. I'm not sure if Kevin Millar lost a bet or if he shaved with his eyes closed, but that monstrosity of a mustache is utterly putrid. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your batting average.

So, with 6 hours until the big game, I would like to tip the cap to these men with wigs on their faces. I am extremely jealous and can only hope I hit puberty soon so I may be able to grow one of my own. If things do not go my way, I may be forced to get a mustache tattoo on my finger like this guy.

Big Ben, you are a crook, and I hope that Aaron Rodgers performs this pose mutiple times today. Good luck to the people playing Superbowl squares today. I decided not to gamble this year on the game because rich people always win and because my numbers are usually 2 and 8. I was afraid if I played this year, I would actually get shapes instead of numbers. The final score would have needed to be Circle-Triangle for me to win. Enjoy the game and if you do not watch all 12 hours of The Puppy Bowl, you should be ashamed of yourself. Packers 24-Steelers 21.

Detroit Tigers Preseason Evaluation

It is almost time for pitchers and catchers to start reporting to camp once again. This time of year is always exciting, but the process seems so drawn out. The spring camps are fun (and I certainly suggest you make your way to the Grapefruit or Cactus league at some point in your life if you have not), but they make the anticipation for opening day overwhelming. We are still roughly 50 days away from opening day, but since the Tigers are in a unique position (which I will expound on momentarily) I figured I would do a preseason review of the team.

The Tigers find themselves in a rather non-dramatic preseason. Although this is a time when most clubs hammer out rotations and bench spots, there is very little to be determined with the Tigers roster. There are perhaps 2 bench seats up for grabs and MAYBE one spot in the bullpen. The biggest question in my mind is who is going to bat second in the lineup. The Tigers do not have a player that really jumps out at that position, and the lineup may change due to the already injured Carlos Guillen. However, the team is pretty much all set on paper, so let's examine what we have (to my best guess):

Projected Opening Day Batting Order

1. Austin Jackson CF
2. Will Rhymes 2B
3. Magglio Ordonez RF
4. Miguel Cabrera 1B
5. Victor Martinez DH (Also C and 1B as needed)
6. Ryan Raburn LF
7. Jhonny Peralta SS
8. Brandon Inge* 3B
9. Alex Avila* C

*I could easily see these two being switched in the order since they are headed in opposite directions career-wise.

Projected Opening Day Bench

Ramon Santiago INF
Don Kelly INF (Kelly will be replaced by Guillen on the roster when he returns. Guillen will assume Rhymes' spot in the lineup but will be getting frequent rest.)
Brennan Boesch OF
Casper Wells** OF

**The players on the outside looking in for the last bench spot are Clete Thomas (OF), Danny Worth (IF), and Scott Sizemore (IF). I feel that Wells gives this team the most balance, and the best skill set off the bench, but this position is certainly not determined yet. This is the nice part about having Martinez though, we do not have to carry a full-time back-up catcher which frees up a spot on the roster elsewhere.

Discussion

The batting order is an interesting one because it is made up almost exclusively of aging veterans and young guns, there is very little in between those two extremes. The Tigers will be banking on the continued growth of several young players. They would like to see much more consistency out of Brennan Boesch (who had a monster first half last year) and Ryan Raburn (who had a monster second half last year). I actually think Will Rhymes is a nice player, and probably the best suited to hit second. Although he has little power, he showed a terrific approach in the batters box, albeit in limited action, which led to a healthy batting average (.304). Another year will hopefully also see a reduction in Austin Jackson's K-rate. Although statistically he was a very serviceable lead-off man, he whiffed an awful lot (this is mainly due to a preposterous BABIP (.396). The addition of Victor Martinez gives a legitimate power bat to protect Miguel. Both of those guys are going to have terrific years as long as the overall health of the lineup remains intact. Although all clubs worry about health over the course of a season, perhaps no team should be more concerned than the Tigers. Anything Guillen produces at this point should be considered a bonus, but Magglio has been routinely breaking down (last year ruining a terrific start to the season), and Brandon Inge has no cartilage left in either of his knees. The Tigers have a plethora of options for the outfield, but the Inge injury potential is scary. Although the Tigers have a terrific 3B prospect in Nick Castellanos, he is still several years away from the bigs. There is really no good answer at 3B if Inge goes down, which is the reason they are keeping his meager bat in the regular lineup to begin with. Overall, I would expect a noticeable step forward for the offense this year (barring calamitous health problems). We had many young players get significant experience last year, and there is no reason to not expect further growth. That, coupled with the big bat of Martinez should equate to a formidable, albeit not dominant, offense. In tight games though we always have to like our chances. Miguel Cabrera truly is one of the 3 best bats in the Majors, and I think he has a very legitimate shot at an MVP trophy this year.

Defense is a different story. This team will struggle defensively. The reason we have 3 or 4 options to play 2nd base is because none of them stand out. Guillen is broken down and the young guys are for the most part out of position at 2nd except for Sizemore who clearly needs more time in the minors. Inge will continue to make impressive plays at 3rd, but you have to wonder when all those injuries are going to start to seriously limit his range on the hot corner. Cabrera took significant strides forward in flashing the leather, and he will need to continue to do so. He is going to be facing a wide array of questionable throws to first. The outfield is awfully scary too. It's fortunate that Austin Jackson can cover roughly 90% of the outfield. Unfortunately, it is seriously doubtful that Raburn and Magglio can cover the other 10% between the two of them. Expect errors and misplayed balls and extra outs for opponents. This is a defense that will do very few favors for it's pitching staff, so lets hope that staff doesn't have to rely on them too regularly.

Projected Opening Day Pitching Staff

1. Justin Verlander RHP
2. Max Scherzer RHP
3. Rick Porcello RHP
4. Phil Coke LHP
5. Brad Penny RHP

Projected Opening Day Bullpen

1. Enrique Gonzalez*** RHP (Long Relief)
2. Brad Thomas LHP
3. Daniel Schlereth LHP
4. Joel Zumaya RHP
5. Ryan Perry RHP (7th Inning)
6. Joaquin Benoit RHP (8th Inning)
7. Jose Valverde RHP (Closer)

***This is a sheer guess. I have no idea who will have long relief duties this year.

On the outside looking in we have: Robbie Weinhardt RHP, Josh Rainwater RHP, Fu Te-Ni LHP, and Andy Oliver LHP.

Discussion

Well this pitching staff certainly seems impressive on paper. The addition of Benoit to the bullpen makes the late innings look pretty promising, and none of those 5 starters seem like liabilities. Brad Penny will need to prove that he can stay healthy a full season, but when he has been on the mound he has certainly shown he has the credentials to be a way above-average 5th starter which is what we are asking him to do. Coke is a converted bullpen guy, so that is always a bit scary, but anybody who has watched this guy pitch knows he has some really good stuff. I actually expect him to be quite solid. Porcello got off to a really terrible start last season, and was sent down to the minors. He worked on altering his mechanics mid-game, and it certainly seemed to help a great deal. His second half was very promising, and he looked like the rookie sensation that we were all excited about the year before. In other news, Verlander and Scherzer will strike out anything that moves.

It is of course impossible for me to be objective when I survey the rest of the AL Central because I desperately want the Tigers to win. However, only looking at our team I think I can safely assert that if we can stay reasonably healthy, there is no reason this team can't beat any other team. The staff and the bullpen look terrific, the offense is improved, the defense is mediocre, but overall this is a good looking team. The Twins and White Sox will of course compete, but the Twins do have to deal with a significant turnover in their bullpen and the White Sox average player age is 72. In short: GO TIGERS!

Call Me a Bromosexual: I Love Drew Brees

Have you ever heard of the term "man crush?" Urbandictionary.com (please do not accidentally click on "man crusties" or "man credit card") defines it as "respect, admiration and idolization of another man. Non-sexual. Celebrities, athletes and rock stars are often the object of the man crush." Chances are, if you have never played fantasy sports, you do not necessarily know what the man crush is. However, examples can be found anywhere you look. Take for example Greg Jaffe's love for Dwight Freeney, Bryan Hamilton's admiration for Stephen Curry, or Ryan Turcotte's dream to be Neil Patrick Harris.

The man crush is planted early in an athlete's career in college, in spring training, training camp, the combine, or the playoffs. You may accidentally stumble on a small article about them in ESPN the magazine or see them on Sportcenter's top plays. You find yourself cheering for these certain players in circumstances where it does not matter if that person's team wins. You may even defend them if you know they are in the wrong. As the man crush deepens, you find yourself taking this person in fantasy drafts way before their actual draft position. The man crush solidifies when this player evolves into one of the best players in the league. Nothing is more devistating than when a buddy of yours takes your man crush in a fantasy draft just before you. As they taunt and tease you, you are thinking about ways to punch them in the pancreas and ultimately, cripple their soul. In essence, what they have done is ruin the next 4 months of your life. Nuclear winter would be a welcome sight if you somehow don't land this player.

If you have known me for more than a week, you should know my man crush is Drew Brees. Not only was he slept on and underrated when he was drafted by SD in 2001, this cat was also S.I.s Sportsman of the Year in 2010, personally helped rebuild N.O. after Katrina, has helped numerous charities, and was named co-chair of the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition. How can you not cheer for this guy? He is the epitome of a leader, a fantastic father, and even has a sense of humor. I contemplate buying NFL League Pass every year just for the chance to see the Saints play every Sunday and he has been my fantasy QB in 8/10 leagues in the past 3 years. Let me give you an example that makes me believe it may gone a little too far and is spiraling downwards to rock bottom. Last week, my loving girlfriend (who acknowledges that she comes second behind Breesus) woke me up to watch him early in the morning...on the Ellen Degeneres Show. Now before you put on the white wig and judge me, please be aware this happened and is further proof of why he's man crush worthy. He is polite in interviews, gracious towards the other team win/lose, and he never loses focus on the big picture. The guy watches endless hours of tape and is constantly adapting throughout a game. Despite being undersized, he is the only voice you can hear calling audibles and reading defenses on Sunday. He is a constant giver on/off the field and never gets on his guys when they run a bad route which leads to a pick. He is what every professional athlete should be.

Other examples of my man crushes include:
NBA
PG Chris Paul
SG Monta Ellis
SF Kevin Durant
PF Josh Smith
C David Lee
MLB
C Buster Posey
2B Chase Utley
3B Ryan Zimmerman
CF Andre Ethier
NFL
QB Drew Brees
RB Jamaal Charles
WR Roddy White

So, as the NHL, NCAA, NBA seasons are in full effect and the NFL season comes to a close, I propose you take a step back and analyze your man crushes. It doesn't have to be a superstar. However, it should be someone that you have followed since they were relatively unknown to the sports world.

I invite you to post your man crushes in the comments section.

Push for the Playoffs

In an earlier post by Pee-Pee, Rick DiPietro got KO'd in one punch by Farmington, MI's own Brent Johnson. It was reported today that DiPietro is out 4-6 weeks with broken bones in his face. Pioneer of the astronomical life long contracts, Rick has spent more time on the IR than on the ice. This is just the latest blow (see what i did there?) to the Islanders and their efforts to remove themselves from being the perennial doormat of the league - bottom 4 of the entire NHL last 4 years and failing to reach 80 points during that span.

Since you probably didn't witness this happen last night, you should probably check out the highlights. In the words of the SportsCentre anhor, "Campbell, he took it..." 3 fights in the first 4 seconds. 2 goals in the next minute and a half. Too bad for the 'head shot' later on in the game, but that is another topic for another time.

The point is that it's the last 1/3 of the season and that means games get more intense, crosby whines a little more, the wings age and endurance are questioned, people in Atlanta are still trying to figure out why it's called icing if there's no bling, and we all get to enjoy more Barry Melrose in the morning. Enjoy the push for the playoffs.

michigan breathes

Baseball has the purest successful play.

Is there anything better than a towering homerun? When the ball leaves a players bat, soaring toward the stands of slowly rising fans, it’s destiny is sealed. It will drop beyond the field of play and will be worth, one (+ the number of players on base, of course). Go ahead and mark it, dude. There is no bringing that one back.

The homerun is great because it is somewhat unlike any other pinnacle play in the four major sports. In football, any touchdown scamper can be brought back by a holding call. A shot in basketball can be waved off by a simultaneous offensive foul, or some idiot coach’s middle-of-the-play timeout to draw-up a plan that will subsequently NOT lead to a bucket. Hockey is fun. A player’s skate can be in the crease; a puck may not make it across the line before it reads triple zero; the goalpost can be bumped a gnat’s nut-hair off its proper position; and so on. Now sure, in baseball, there are homeruns that flirt with the foul pole or tickle the yellow line that paints the top of outfield walls. But when someone blasts a Boooyaaaahh 12 rows deep into left-center, you do not find yourself with held breath, frozen in suspense on your couch, praaaaying you don’t see the camera pan to a referee.

A homerun is pure, unquestioned celebration.

It is superior because we don’t need to hold our breath to enjoy it.

I wonder if Auburn is currently holding its breath?

A few weeks ago Cam Newton and his Auburn Tiger football program wrapped up their Heisman and national championship season. Amid all this was the season-long scandal that he and/or his father took money for Cam to play football. The investigation is still ongoing and could one day lead to further evidence that costs Cam his trophy, or Auburn it’s season. Certainly, we’ve seen this before. Reggie Bush recently lost his Heisman trophy with the confirmation that he and his family took illegal benefits while at USC. Memphis basketball had to vacate their 38-win season and national championship appearance because of Derrick Rose’s invalidated SAT score. USC is on probation for recruiting violations that will cost them 2 years of potential bowl appearances.

Why does this happen in college sports? It’s the answer that everyone knows; college sports are a business. And winning is good business. And to win you need to beat your competition. And this gets harder and harder every year. You have to have an edge, a shortcut, or offer something that others cannot, or will not.

The problem I fear is there are fewer and fewer programs that will not cheat to get what they need. Coaches, AD’s and programs cannot afford to pass on poor character guys or lose out on prized recruits whose fathers are in the background rubbing their thumb and fingers together. Pay them, get them here, win, wash, repeat. The question is what do you want your program to look like? Do you care if they do it the right way as long as they are winning? Even if you think that because college sports are a business and they should be paying the players anyway, the way to honorably fight for that is not to pay players behind the NCAA’s back. These are the current rules in which we must play by and if you break them, and are caught, you will hurt your program.

A recent article asked U of M Law Professor, Richard Friedman, whether Michigan could still be a world-class university and football power in the modern landscape of money and sports, to which he replied,

“There’s no doubt in my mind, that if we had to move in one direction or the other, I’d rather move in the direction of Northwestern than of Ohio State.”

Clearly the man rightfully cares more about the integrity of his school than he does of its football success.

For years, we have had the luxury as Michigan football fans of being able to have our cake and eat it too. While we’ve always been a winning program, we’ve also always been a relatively clean program. There were never any University of Miami or Southern Methodist scandals surrounding Michigan football. However, if it comes down to choosing one type of success, I’ll jump on board with the professor.

Michigan has had to hold its breath.

When Rich Rodriguez was here, I was constantly torn between wishing for on the field success, and wanting something behind the scenes to push the school heads to finally fire him. I do not want a coach burning the midnight oil next to a paper shredder. I do not want a coach that has a record number of players transfer away or creates a reputation of eroding family values. I do not want investigations, or questions about practice time, or self-imposed sanctions, or relief when we are only slightly penalized. I do not want a coach whose success has to be tied to the possibility of having it all taken away someday. Our basketball program has already been dragged down that road! When Rodriguez was here, it felt as though the entire program was constantly looking over its shoulder for the next blow to come.

Enter Brady Hoke. He comes from San Diego State with no baggage or lawsuits. There are no pending investigations or poor reputations. In fact, he was once a Michigan coach, and seems to understand that fairly annoying mantra that is so tied to our school: A Michigan Man. It may be over blown, but represents so much of our identity. It means more than a winning percentage or being connected to the university. It is a code of conduct, and an honorable way of doing things. If college football is a business, then it stands for the right way to do business. It is now, just as much Hoke’s responsibility to build a winner, as it is to uphold this standard.

National signing day was yesterday. I hope Hoke picked the right guys and got them here the right way. I would love to root for these kids for four years, see them stay scandal free, work hard, and turn their three-star ratings into NFL potential.It may be a few years before we seriously challenge for the Big Ten title. It may be several more years before we challenge the Auburns, USCs and Ohio States. But if we do, we will get there by our own path. And if Hoke is fortunate enough to take down one of these current goliaths, he will have belted a moon-shot blast, to straightaway center that will launch Michigan back into college football supremacy. And unlike many of our counterparts, the program, the university, and MEEECH nation, will trot the bases in exaltation, without having to look over its shoulder.

Finally Michigan, we can exhale.

MSU Basketball 2010-11 = UM Football 2008?

MSU basketball has seen a rather rapid descent this season and painfully reminds me of what happened to our illustrious football program in 2008. Now... these situations could not be more different in regards to circumstances, but the anvil like falls from grace are eerily similar.

Michigan football has over 100 years of tradition and is the leader in all time wins and win percentage while Michigan State basketball has one national title and 6 final fours in the past decade. Michigan's decline in football started during the Lloyd Carr era with poor recruiting and assistant coach development in the later years. Enter Rich Rodriguez and the spread offense. This was quite possibly the worst marriage since Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods. Now, I am not part of the anti-RR movement by any means. I actually think his failure was due to lack of support and the perfect storm of extenuating circumstances (attrition, injuries, bad/unfair press, recruiting misses, asst coaching mishaps, transitional struggles, lack of depth/experience, and inheriting a program in decline) Back to 2008...

Lloyd Carr left a couple years too late and the discipline of the program had gone out the window. Players brought cell phones to RRs practices, got yelled at, and thought they were being treated unfairly. I can just imagine Bo's feelings on this. All of the premier players on offense in 2008 vanished by way of graduation, early NFL draftees, or transfer. quick look at the depth chart from 2007 and then 2008.

2007 OFFENSE Returning Starters: 6

QB 7 Chad Henne 6-2, 224, Sr.
15 Ryan Mallett 6-6, 247, Fr.

RB 20 Mike Hart 5-9, 196, Sr.
4 Brandon Minor 6-0, 213, So.
23 Carlos Brown 6-0, 202, So.

FB 33 Mark Moundros 6-1, 222, So.
32 Vince Helmuth 6-1, 245, Fr.
36 Quintin Patilla 6-1, 234, So.

WR 86 Mario Manningham 6-0, 181, Jr.
82 LaTerryal Savoy 6-2, 205, So.

WR 16 Adrian Arrington 6-3, 187, Jr.
13 Greg Mathews 6-3, 207, So.

TE 83 Mike Massey 6-4, 229, Sr.
42 Chris McLaurin 6-3, 236, Jr.
39 Andre Criswell 6-1, 257, Jr.

LT 77 Jake Long 6-7, 313, Sr.
71 Mark Ortmann 6-6, 297, Jr.

LG 57 Adam Kraus 6-6, 296, Sr.
78 Justin Schifano 6-4, 298, Jr.

C 65 Justin Boren 6-3, 310, So.
60 David Moosman 6-4, 298, Jr.
62 Tim McAvoy 6-5, 298, Jr.

RG 73 Alex Mitchell 6-5, 313, Sr.
70 Jeremy Ciulla 6-4, 292, Sr.

RT 71 Mark Ortmann 6-6, 297, Jr. OR
52 Steve Schilling 6-5, 297, So.
75 Cory Zirbel 6-5, 296, Jr.

2008 OFFENSE Returning Starters: 3

QB 10 Stephen Threet 6-6 230 RFr. OR
8 Nick Sheridan 6-1 212 So.
12 David Cone 6-7 214 So.

FB 44 Mark Moundros 6-1 232 So.
32 Vince Helmuth 6-1 261 So.

RB 4 Brandon Minor 6-1 214 Jr.
23 Carlos Brown 6-0 213 Jr. OR
24 Kevin Grady 5-9 228 Jr. OR
34 Avery Horn 5-10 185 RFr.

WR(Y) 17 Toney Clemons 6-3 201 So.
35 Jimmy Potempa 5-7 175 So.

WR(Z) 21 Junior Hemingway 6-1 214 So.
82 LaTerryal Savoy 6-3 210 Jr.
89 John Conover 6-3 199 So.

WR(X) 13 Greg Mathews 6-3 207 Jr.
22 Darryl Stonum 6-2 190 Fr.
26 Zion Babb 6-1 189 So.

TE 85 Carson Butler 6-5 250 Jr. OR
83 Mike Massey 6-5 225Sr.
80 Martell Webb 6-4 249 So.

LT 71 Mark Ortmann 6-7 294 Jr.
69 Bryant Nowicki 6-9 326 So.

LG 62 Tim McAvoy 6-6 288 Jr.
72 Mark Huyge 6-6 292 RFr.

C 60 David Moosman 6-5 292 Jr.
50 David Molk 6-2 282 RFr.

RG 75 Cory Zirbel 6-5 292 Jr.
72 Mark Huyge 6-6 292 RFr.

RT 52 Stephen Schilling 6-5 295 So.
79 Perry Dorrestein 6-7 308 So.

So you return 3 "starters" on offense in 2008, not one of which is at a skill position or was slated to start the previous season. On top of this you fail to recruit Michigan caliber recruits in the final Carr years besides Mallet and Boren and both transferred. THEN, you install a brand new offense that requires speed, agility and precision; none of which the current roster possesses. After missing out on Terrelle Pryor sweepstakes, or should I say "auction", you are left with a walk on QB and a transfer pro style QB to run this new spread offense. At the end of the year your have a team who can't move the chains enough to give its defense a drink of water and by default give up the most points in UM history. Consequently you make the one hired hand that wasn't a carryover from West Virginia, Scott Shafer, the scape goat and fire him. Shafer goes on to have top ten defenses at Syracuse and you fire the head coach two years later. In less than half a decade Michigan went from a perennial top 5 preseason, top 5-15 post season, 33 straight bowl appearances, winningest program in college football history to the laughing stock of college football in just one season. Ugly.

Now... MSU basketball 2010-11 has seen a similar decline but without a coaching change or sabotage from within. Well, it was sabotaged but not in the same way. Tom Izzo is still the Czar of East Lansing and is coming off of his 6th trip to the final four in 10 years, remarkable. Ranked #2 in the country to begin the season, MSU had great expectations for this year's team. Then Lee Corso stepped in and said "Not so fast my friend". Let's take a look at the last year's roster compared to this year's.

2009-10 Roster

No.	Name	Ht.	Wt.	Pos.	Year	Hometown/High School
3	Allen, Chris	6-3	205	G	JR	Lawrenceville, Ga./Meadowcreek
25	Crandell, Jon	6-8	230	F	SR	Rochester, Mich./Rochester Adams
22	Dahlman, Isaiah	6-6	195	G	SR	Braham, Minn./Braham Area
23	Green, Draymond	6-6	235	F	SO	Saginaw, Mich./Saginaw
40	Herzog, Tom	7-0	250	C	RS JR	Flint, Mich./Powers
44	Ianni, Anthony	6-9	260	C	JR	East Lansing, Mich./Okemos (Grand Valley State)
20	Kebler, Mike	6-4	205	G	JR	Okemos, Mich./Okemos
1	Lucas, Kalin	6-0	190	G	JR	Detroit, Mich./Orchard Lake St. Mary's
34	Lucious, Korie	5-11	170	G	SO	Milwaukee, Wis./Pius XI
2	Morgan, Raymar	6-8	230	F	SR	Canton, Ohio/McKinley
50	Nix, Derrick	6-8	280	C	FR	Detroit, Mich./Pershing
10	Roe, Delvon	6-8	230	F	SO	Euclid, Ohio/St. Edward
41	Sherman, Garrick	6-10	235	C	FR	Kenton, Ohio/Kenton
15	Summers, Durrell	6-4	205	G	JR	Detroit, Mich./Redford Covenant Christian
13	Thornton, Austin	6-5	220	G	RS SO	Sand Lake, Mich./Cedar Springs

2010-11 Roster

No. Last Name Name Height Ht. Wt. Pos. eligibility Year Hometown/High School 11 appling keith Appling, Keith 73 6-1 180 G 1 FR Detroit, Mich./Pershing -10 byrd russell Byrd, Russell 79 6-7 200 G 1 FR Fort Wayne, Ind./Blackhawk Christian 2 gauna alex Gauna, Alex 81 6-9 240 F 1 FR Eaton Rapids, Mich./Eaton Rapids 23 green draymond Green, Draymond 78 6-6 230 F 5 JR Saginaw, Mich./Saginaw 44 ianni anthony Ianni, Anthony 81 6-9 260 C 5 JR East Lansing, Mich./Okemos (Grand Valley State) 20 kebler mike Kebler, Mike 76 6-4 205 G 7 SR Okemos, Mich./Okemos 1 lucas kalin Lucas, Kalin 73 6-1 195 G 7 SR Detroit, Mich./Orchard Lake St. Mary's 25 nix derrick Nix, Derrick 81 6-9 270 C 3 SO Detroit, Mich./Pershing 5 payne adreian Payne, Adreian 82 6-10 225 C 1 FR Dayton, Ohio/Jefferson Township 10 roe delvon Roe, Delvon 80 6-8 230 F 5 JR Euclid, Ohio/St. Edward 41 sherman garrick Sherman, Garrick 82 6-10 240 C 3 SO Kenton, Ohio/Kenton 15 summers durrell Summers, Durrell 77 6-5 205 G 7 SR Detroit, Mich./Redford Covenant Christian 13 thornton austin Thornton, Austin 77 6-5 220 G 6 RS JR Sand Lake, Mich./Cedar Springs

Who would have thought losing Tom Herzog would make such a difference. Raymar Morgan is the only player of consequence who did not return, however, the dismissal of Chris Allen and Korie Lucious has drastically effected the team as well. Apparently Chris was too busy with American Idol and Korie was teaching drunk driver's ed to fellow Spartan Chris L. Rucker.

The nucleus of the team is back though, so how has MSU fallen so far as to beat Oakland by a single point, OT wins at home against cellar dwellers Northwestern and Indiana, lose to rival Michigan for the first time in 14 years at home, and lose to the worst team in the Big Ten, Iowa, by 20? There are a number of reasons but largest of all it seems that Tom Izzo has lost control of his team. He is still the head coach, he is still in charge of course but he no longer has a Mateen Cleeves or Drew Neitzel on the court to be his in-game coach. Kalin Lucas is by far the best player on the team but is far from the floor generals that came before him. The absent Korie Lucious still leads the team in assists with Draymond Green second. Izzo cannot seem to get through to his players like he has in the past. Off the court issues are becoming a bigger problem by the day and they are getting more and more difficult to sweep under the rug. Somehow his two prized freshman got away with rape in the offseason without so much as a missed practice. This should appall you.

Izzo has always had the ability to get the most of his players. His uncanny knack for motivation and inspiration is unparalled in college basketball. Is he losing his touch?

This team has sabotaged itself with off the court issues, a lack of discipline and coach Izzo's recruiting philosophy. Izzo has always taken the best in state talent but at times it has been solely to spite UM. Derrick Nix won Mr. Basketball but is the biggest project Izzo has ever undertaken. He is basically Tom Herzog minus a few inches plus 100 pounds. Izzo offered Nix in order to maintain instate recruiting dominance and more importantly to snag Nix's teammate Keith Appling. With the slow progress and lack of contribution from 5 star freshman center Payne, MSU finds itself without a legitimate inside presence. Draymond Green was also taken by Izzo to spite UM and has turned out to be a tireless worker and motivator but was not much of a player out of high school. He has developed his game but has become a perimeter big man instead of a force on the inside which MSU desperately needs.

MSU under Tom Izzo has been known as a scrappy, toughminded, aggressive, rebounding team that plays physical "Big Ten" defense. They will foul on every possession because the ref cannot call a foul every single time down the floor even if it is obviously a foul. The combination of the loss of mean-muggin Raymar Morgan,

the 3 point shooter extraordinaire experiment with Draymond Green, the lack of development of Derrick Nix, the whiteness of Garrick Sherman, and the lack of college fortitude of Adreian Payne. MSU has lost it's inside presence and it's bullish swagger. MSU used to push you around, but this year they are the ones picking themselves up off the floor.


Will they bounce back in time to make the NCAA tournament and forge another run at a title. At 13-9, 5-5 in the Big Ten they have their work cut out for them. 8 games left, 4 on the road against undefeated and #1 ranked OSU, #18 Wisconsin, #20 Minnesota, and rival Michigan to finish the season it does not look good. You'd think the 4 home games would be easier but they lost to each of the four on the road this year. Penn State, #24 Illinois, #10 Purdue and the Iowa team that beat them by 20 last night.

Circumstances are much different between Michigan football 2008 and MSU basketball 2010-11 but just like Michigan's 33 year bowl streak MSU's precious 12 year dance party could come to an end unless they make a serious turnaround. I've never counted them out late in the season during this current streak but right now they are on the mat and the referee is up to 6... 7... 8...