"Let's Get It Started" By Watching the Kitty Halftime Show

The Black Eyed Peas will be performing on the Superbowl halftime show this year. Undoubtedly, they will be performing their smash hit, "Let's Get It Started." After hearing this song for the first time back in 2003, I can admit that I thought it was catchier than herpes. However, after hearing the song for the millionth time tonight, I believe I have had enough. I would rather listen to an actual legume than listen to any more Black Eyes Peas. Will I Am looks like a character from The Matrix and Fergie, as foxy as she was 8 years ago, looks like she has been smoking Virginia Slims and tanning nonstop since the release of this monstrosity of a song. This song has been played out more in sports than any other track in history. It shall go down with Smashmouth's "All-Star" and Fastball's "The Way" as the 3 most annoying songs in the history of the Milky Way galaxy.

Also, let it be known that this song won best rap performance by a group at the 2005 Grammies. Best RAP performance. This is a testiment to how awful popular "rap" has been in the last 10 years, but that's a post for another day. Allow me to give you a sample of some of the genius lyrics...

Everybody! (Yeah?)
Everybody! (Yeah?)
Let's get into it! (Yeah!)
Get stupid (Come on!)
Get retarded! (Come on!)
Get retarded! (Yeah!)
Get retarded!

I do not even know what any of that means and to be quite honest, I enjoy not being mentally handicapped. So, to narrow it down, a song with shitty lyrics that picks on mentally challenged people received an award for best RAP performance in 2005...AWFUL.

(Side note) Trivia: Can you guess who performed on the 1991 Superbowl halftime show?
If you guessed NKOTB, Disney characters, Warren Moon, and 2,000 local children, I owe you a beer.

I propose you boycott Bridgestone and their list of B-squad has-beens and turn on a real halftime show that may or may not coincide with the football halftime show. Let me break down the kitty halftime show of the Puppy Bowl. Basically, the kittens are hopped up on some sort of kitty hallucinogen and they proceed to play with plastic balls and strands of string while the drugs set in. For 15 minutes, they run around like crazy until the medicine really kicks in. By the end, it is flashing lights and a downpour of confetti while the kitties try to figure out what's going on. Meanwhile, there are hamsters flying overhead in a blimp and rabbits dressed as cheerleaders. How could you NOT watch this?

So when the halftime buzzer sounds and you realize you have lost another $40 in your Superbowl squares game, turn on something that is priceless. Kitties doped up trying to figure out why hamsters are flying blimps and pondering how rabbits got dressed in cheerleader costumes. Here's a clip from last years to get you excited.

Hey...Youuu...Guys!: Yanks Sign Chris "Big Red" Shelton to 1 Year, $15 Trillion Deal

It's so easy to dislike NY sports teams, isn't it? Whether it's Rex Ryan running his big mouth, Brandon Jacobs throwing his helmet into a crowd of blind people, Spike Lee talking shit to opposing teams, ARod popping pills, or cheap shots from Sean Avery, NY sports teams are the scum of the galaxy. I feel like all the coaches and athletes should be hanging out in the Cantina Bar acting shady listening to this. I can count on one hand the NY athletes that I can tolerate: Amare, Lundqvist, Umenyiora, Cano, and Jeter. Allow me to give an example.

Can you name any of the top 10 highest paid players in the mlb for 2010? Take a minute and give it some thought...

1	Alex Rodriguez	$33,000,000
2	C.C. Sabathia	$24,285,714
3	Derek Jeter	$22,600,000
4	Mark Teixeira	$20,625,000
5	Johan Santana	$20,144,707
6	Miguel Cabrera	$20,000,000
7	Carlos Beltran	$19,401,569
8	Ryan Howard	$19,000,000
9	Carlos Lee	$19,000,000
10	Alfonso Soriano	$19,000,000

If you are doing your math at home that's $100 million for 4 Yankee players. $100,000,000 spent on 4 players in 1 year. Break down the numbers a little bit more and see that ARod, if he plays all 162 games in a season, makes over $200,000 PER GAME. If that doesn't blow your mind, I don't know what does. ARod even gets paid to play in October where we all know he excels. So while we work 40 hours a week for $80 G's a year, ARod is playing 1 baseball game for over double your yearly income. I haven't seen math this amazing since Scott Steiner's lesson. And I know what you will say...ARod puts asses in the seats and makes the franchise money. And you're right, I do not have a rebuttal for that...damnit. Just kind of sick that athletes make this kind of money, while normal, hardworking people work so much for so little in comparison.

To give these overpaid babies credit, ARod, CC, Jeter, and Tex are 4 of the best players at their positions. But here's something you might not know (changing gears)...I will now post a players stat line for the last 3 years.
2008: 63 R, 20 HR, 78 RBI, .300
2009: 84, 16, 66, .260
2010: 79, 31, 88, .273
Those aren't crazy numbers. This gentleman is a .280 career hitter over about 12 seasons and will make about $23 million in 2011, which will put him in top 3 paid players for the year. He sits at 32 years old and is on the down slope of his career and just signed with a new team. Any guesses on who it might be? Vernon. Freaking. Wells. If you don't know much about him, you're not alone. I'm not quite sure why the Angels decided to bring him in with a veteran Torii Hunter, but whatever. If LAA was going for a second outfielder born in the Cretaceous Era, then they have succeeded. Vernon Wells' agent should be promoted! And don't even get me started on Barry Zito making $18.5 mil last year. His arm is made of wheat.

Outside of my hatred for NY sports teams, what I am getting at is that the MLB needs a salary cap. Fuck this idea of a "luxury tax" where teams pay chump change if they go over the limit. Selig needs to knuckle up and give a number. And that is all a team can use for players. The Yanks spend roughly $40 million more than the next closest team. Unfair advantage? I'd say so. I'm pretty sure the Nats and DBacks pay their players in buffalo nickels, sand dollars, and the Vietnamese dong. And while were on the topic of what Selig should do, I propose a no tolerance policy on PEDs. I don't care if you are ARod, Pujols or Augie Ojeda. You get caught with a banned substance in your blood, you get a year off without your obnoxiously large salary and you are forced to eat Mr. Pizza/Burrito Joint for the whole time. Boom, roasted.

In addition to these 2 rules, I believe the league needs more guys like Gil Meche. Dude retired from KC and apparently left $12 million on the table so the franchise could use the money to develop younger players. That is the epitome of classy. If the MLB had more guys like that, there would be a lot more heart/soul in the game. Speaking of heart/soul, I know you are wondering about the whereabouts of previous Tiger phenom, Chris Shelton. He is currently in the Astros minor league system trying to improve on his .043 career OPS.

In closing, to the NY sports fans and players who think they are God's gift to mankind, you guys are awful. I can only hope that you never hoist a championship banner again. You clowns are ridiculous and classless.

Hoke-us Pocus: The Magic of Recruiting

Well Hoke has been on fire the past week. He has gotten 6 commits and 3 KEY recommits from 4 star DB Blake Countess, 3 star OT Tony Posada and stud 3 star LB Kellen Jones. (these were HUGE) Looks as though he actually has two more silent commits with two more possible commits announcing Thursday and Friday (one possible, the other probable). If he can land a few more on top of the silents and get Fisher to recommit (Hoke visiting him in home Thursday night) that would be a monster finish in the limited time he has had. Hoke and staff, especially new DC Greg Mattison, have been doing an incredible job of selling Michigan to recruits and creating a buzz around the program. It has been nothing short of magical. There is finally that feeling of Michigan being a special place again.

STILL, the proof is in the pudding and results on the field are going to be the deciding factor on whether Hoke is answer. I have no doubt that we will see it there as well.

If you haven’t been following… new commits are as follows.

Tamani Carter 6’0” 175, 3 star DB from just outside Columbus, Buckeye writers say UM got a steal, Former Minnesota commit

Keith Heitzman 3 star DE could grow into a DT 6’3” 237, also from near Columbus, Former Vanderbilt commit

Raymon Taylor 5’10” 167, 4 star # 14 athlete in the country from Highland Park, MI, #6 player in MI, #5 best ‘ball skills’ of the “athletes” on rivals, Former Indiana commit

Matt Wile 6’2” 210, 2 star K, US ARMY All American and was the best in the game, will be primarily focusing on FG and PAT at UM, 5^th generation Michigan man, his dad, grandpa, great and great-great grandpa were all doctors who graduated from Michigan. Pretty cool.

Russell Bellomy 6’3” 187 3 star QB from TX, watched his highlights and interview and kid has it together. Runs a 4.6 40 and has great mechanics. Former Purdue commit (from Hope to Hoke!)

Antonio Poole 6’2” 210 3 star LB from Cincinnati, another great LB from Ohio who the Buckeyes ran out of room for. Great size and potential. #26 OLB in country, #17 player in OH

Silents are rumored to be…

Leilon Willingham 6’2” 240 4 star LB from Denver Mullen High in Colorado, great pipeline (has one of the top QBs for 2012 class), Texas A&M decommit, #13 OLB in the country, #2 player in CO

Frank Clark 6’2” 210 3 star TE/OLB from Cleveland Glenville in OH where Ted Ginn Sr coaches and send all his studs to OSU. Very rare to get a kid from this school and is a great pipeline, would be great to see Brady continue nabbing kids from there. Frank is a kid who likes to talk and may end up being a great addition if only for his help recruiting kids from Glenville in the future.

Announcing this week…

Stefan McClure 5’11” 170 4 star DB, US ARMY All American who had a breakout performance in the game, earned a game ball from Rivals. Hoke was in home Monday night and had been recruiting the kid at SDSU, CA kid and rumored to most likely stay closer to home and go with UCLA or Cal but never discount the power of Hoke visiting. McClure is the #9 CB in the country, #118 overall and #11 in CA.

Chris Bryant 6’5” 330 4 star OL. Better chance with Bryant who is from Chicago and has consistently listed UM at the top of his list. Was an RR recruit and Hoke and staff picked up where RR & Co. left off. Visited UM on the way back from Pitt where some former UM assts now reside (Magee, Dews and Gibson). Main competition is Pitt, Arizona and Illinois. Most people like our chances. Bryant is the #19 OT in the country, # 203 overall and #6 in IL.

Jake Fisher should be deciding after a trip to Oregon this weekend. This could go any direction. Cross your fingers because he is a big time prospect. TONS of potential at 6’7” 270. The next Jake Long?? There is a backup plan for Fisher and the kid is actually higher rated on Rivals but I would prefer the instate kid, plus I think Fisher has more potential. Current PSU commit 3 star OL Ryan Nowicki 6’5” 272 from AZ (#31 OT and #9 in AZ) received an in home visit from Hoke and came away very impressed. Hoke is definitely taking advantage of his time and is very organized. After he visited McClure in CA he zips down to see Nowicki in AZ, gotta love it! 3 star OL Pat Flavin 6’7” 260 from IL has also been contacted by Michigan but no offer has been extended. Nowicki was offered and was asked to visit this weekend but no trip has been scheduled as of yet. Sounds like Flavin is the backup plan to the backup plan. Currently an Illinois commit Flavin is the #29 OT in the country and #10 player in IL. Fisher is the #49 OT in the country and #12 in MI according to Rivals but many have him rated much higher and Sparty wants him very badly for obvious reasons. If he stays in MI my gut tells me he sticks with UM but I have no real read on this, I just believe in Hoke and staff. They visit on Thursday.

Lots of guys visiting this weekend including….

Chris Barnett 6’6” 245 from TX 4 star Tight End who is currently committed to Arkansas. #14 TE, #224 overall and #32 in TX. I’d expect one more RB in this class, either 3 star Thomas Rawls 5’10” 215 from Flint (visiting this weekend) if he gets the test score he needs or a 3 star FB from Cincinnati, Ohio named Trayion Durham #2 fullback in the country and #53 player in OH. 6’1” 230 4.56 40 and has a 3.5 GPA. Good to have smart fullbacks! Commits Heitzman and Poole will be visiting this weekend and hopefully which helps when new guys are there like Barnett. Hopefully with help from them and current players Barnett will be Blue on signing day.

One more player of interest that we have a VERY outside shot at is Darian Cooper 6’1” 275 DT from MD. 3 star turned 4 star turned 3 star player who is now ranked the #33 DT in the country, played in the US ARMY All American game but seemed undesized to some, hence the drop in the rankings. Smart kid with a great motor though and we desperately need DTs. Darian dropped us from consideration after RR was fired, said the whole coaching fiasco turned him off. If you ask me, Sparty got in his ear there. Sparty has his teammate committed and is one of three competitors for his services. Georgia Tech and Iowa are also under consideration. PSU was thought to be the favorite until they pulled his offer so it is anyone’s game at this point. Greg Mattison has been calling Cooper and has gotten an in home with him this week. They want him to visit badly and if they get that visit all bets are off. I like our chances if Mattison can work his magic.

New names may still pop up in the next week at the TE and DT positions if we cannot get Barnett and Cooper on board but those scholarships could also be banked for 2012. Don’t expect Hoke to take kids just to fill a position of need. He will only offer Michigan caliber kids and that’s what he has done so far.

Signing day is a week from today and there will be a lot more to report in the week ahead. I for one am excited for the programs future and the direction Hoke is leading us. 2012 is a monster class with even more talent, especially in the state of MI as well as OH and IL, where Hoke and staff have strong connections. I look for a top 25 class this year and top 10 in 2012.

GO BLUE!!

One Reason Why Les Miles is a Dirtbag

And why Dave Brandon chose not to offer him the HC positon: Oversigning.

Andy Staples's piece on oversigning on SI highlights Miles as a principle offender in ruining some kids' collegiate sports career.

BlackandyellowBlackandyellowBlackandyellow.

Twas a wonderful weekend of football in the NFL. The Pack rolled on and the Steelers derailed the Jets. First and foremost, I would like to commend the Jets and Rex Ryan with how they handled the loss. His postgame words were very gracious towards the maverick play calling of Mike Tomlin who looks ridiculously like Omar Epps. Almost as much as this guy and the guy to your left. You may remember Omar Epps from classics such as: Higher Learning, Scream 2, and Alfie. No? Nothing? Yea, I don't know those movies either. He's not a good actor.
So with my nice words about the Jets out of the way, let me be the millionth person to say, "good riddance, Rex Ryan." Your incessant shit-talking was a cancer to this years playoffs and I hope your franchise never makes the playoffs again. With NY out of the picture, we can focus on two very good football teams. I enjoy scoffing at certain phrases that come up in sports frequently such as: the better team won today, Coach X was outcoached by Coach Y, and defense wins championships. However, the last of these phrases could not be more true for this years superbowl matchup. We all know this is true and that Clay Matthews looks like a white sasquatch but you may not know that GB finished 5 in total team defense and Pittsburgh finished 2. And for comparison, the Jets were 3 and the Bears were number 9. All of this boils down to one thought...defense does with championships.
I eagerly await the big game and the commercials that accompany it, but more importantly, I am giddy for Puppy Bowl VII and its starting line-up. Who will win PB7? It's anyone's guess at this point, but to quote the great Ryan Turcotte..."The least penalized team will win." As for the big game, I do not know who will win. GBs high octane offense looked very shaky on Sunday but did enough to get the win. Granted the bears were down to Bobby Boucher to run the offense, GB looked very beatable. The same goes for the Steelers. They had a chance to run away with it in the 3rd and managed to let the Jets back in it when their rookie Center went down and their run game went to shit. So why did both teams come out on top? It's because their defense bailed them out when their offenses sputtered. With 2 weeks to prepare for each other, I expect to see a much more polished offensive attack from both ends.
When it comes down to it, with all factors considered, I THINK that Aaron Rodgers will be wearing that massive belt he has been trying to model all season. I say this, not because I will be cheering for the Pack, but because I cannot cheer for Ben Roethlisberger. I also do not condone this behavior. Big Ben should have told Mendenhall, "No, Rashard! I do not condone that behavior!" After all, Ben should be used to hearing that phrase by now, eh?
And one last point. Why does Joe Buck get to announce all the games that matter in the MLB and NFL. Awesome and worthy announcers bust their ass all year to give way to this tool during the most important games. I propose a mix of Gus Johnson, Keith Jackson, and Rod Allen. Your team may not win the game they announce but you for sure would shart due to the sheer excitement in these men's voices. Well, you may not shart, but you'd for sure be screaming "Woah Nellie!" or fighting someone Japanese. I leave you with this...you're welcome.

The Art Of Being A Collegiate Athlete For A Decade

I was talking to Pete the other day about this. After a while the conversation turned to college athletes that seem like they have been in college for much longer than their 4 years of eligibility. The one athlete that came to mind for both of us was Gerry McNamara whose Syracuse signing day can be seen in this time line of the universe...

Seriously, that guy played at Syracuse forever. It's not just him though. I'm fairly certain that Tolzien, Sorgi, Stocco, and Bollinger account for every snap taken by a Wisconsin Quarterback since 1900. Does anybody have any theories on this? It's not always people I hate though, I'm sure people from other big ten schools were sweaty, sad, and nervous that Mike Hart played every single snap for 47 consecutive seasons without fumbling or losing to MSU. Remember how long Trajan Langdon player college ball? The Alaskan Assassin is so old that he lived on Pangaea when Alaska and Chappel Hill, NC were actually geographical neighbors. In the comments section please list your favorite super-super-super-duper-seniors.

NBC, how I loathe you

NBC you are absolutely terrible. Ever since Seinfeld and introducing Jennifer Aniston to the world, you have been in steady decline. You give Notre Dame their own network for home games where the commentators are just slightly less biased than the Arayan against....anybody. Your saving grace has been that Vanna White has aged well. That and your NFL coverage is not bad. However, you should have stayed away from the NHL.

Not since the mid-90s days of FOX has hockey coverage seen such atrocities (excluding the excellent robot animations of course)

You blow Cindy Crosby more than Gary Bettman. No wonder you have earned the network title, Nothing But Crosby. You probably started this group on facebook.

Mike Milbury's analysis is comparable to Mike Rosenberg's research skills - go get together and punch some dolphins. He detests physical play and apparently forgot he once rushed the stands at MSG as a player.

Just because you have camera angles and can use them does NOT mean you should. Overhead, track, and above-the-goal angles do not work for this sport.

Doc Emerick sounds like he's a high-pitched, constipated version of any overseas futbol commentator. Eddie Olczyk, you just suck and I cannot even stand you on local coverage; how the hell did you even get a national gig. Your criticism of the Red Wings is reaching levels of OSU and MSU fans in referencing them even when they are not in the game.

However, just as Harry Dunne once said, "just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you do something like this and totally redeem yourself!" Of course if you don't know what I am referring to, you should check this out. Though I hope Detroit doesn't go down this road, I am enjoying this aspect of the game and even have to give the Blackhawks some credit...

Today marks the first week of the NHL on NBC. So with the NFL season coming to an end and no baseball, you need to find something else to keep you entertained when you're waking up at noon on a Sunday. Maybe read a book or head to Suby's with Captain T. Regardless of your options, avoid this abortion of professional sports coverage.

Speak to me, Greg Mattison

I'm getting excited... for three years down the road:

Fantasy Team vs. Home Team: A Veteran's Rambling

Baseball season is just around the corner! You know what that means...watching Cubs games on WGN at 2:00PM on a weekday and Sunday Night Baseball (this is a travesty) in its entirety when you have to be up in 5 hours for work. You do this not because you are interested in the outcome of the game but rather you want to see if Juan Pierre hits a bomb or steals a bag in his 5th AB in a meaningless game because it affects yours fantasy team. If you haven't launched stat tracker or looked up prospects for baseball already for the 2011 season, you are not a true baseball fan.
Some believe that fantasy sports take a loyal local sports fan and pits them against their beloved home team. Some people believe that gambling on fantasy sports is illegal. Some even believe that the fantasy sports world is a nerdy dream that is comparable to World of Warcraft. To this, I say: You're damn right and cha-ching. I will gladly take an extra RBI double from Andre Ethier even if it means an L for the Tigers. Pretty sick, right?
This all goes out the window with a potential "history in the making" moment. Allow me to give an example. June 2, 2010. Armando Galarraga on the hill. Pitching against the lifeless and pitiful souls from that shithole we know at Cleveland. You may have even been watching it. For Grady Sizemore's first 3 ABs, I was hoping for big things (I did not know his knee was made of paper mache and dreams at this point). As the game was coming to a close and I saw Armando had a shot at the no-no, I actually was forced to cheer against my fantasy comrade and for my home team. If I had known Jim Joyce was going to ruin my middle adulthood, I would have hoped Sizemore hit his 1 and only home run on the season.
So with your blood pressure elevated with thoughts of Jim Joyce ruining your only chance in life to see a perfect game, I offer you some nicer thoughts on the direction of the Tigers. Say what you want about the signing of RP Benoit, C/DH Martinez, and SP Penny. I think the Tigers have managed to pull in 3 guys who have proven themselves year in, year out as talented. It allows 23 year-old Avila to get his time behind the dish while not having to worry about Laird who has the plate discipline of Ray Charles. And before you think it...yes, I know our IF (outside of Miggy) is God awful but keep in mind Brandon Inge is a shoe-in for the All-Star team due to all the downriver skanks voting for him! And yes, I know Benoit is older than the Big Bang. But his stats of 1.34/0.68 over 63 games last year do not lie. He should be a great bridge to the nutbag, headcase, and lovable Papa Grande. And let us not forget that Vic Martinez had 25 HR and 114 ribeyes in 2007. In addition, let us not forget that Brad Penny had a 3.23 ERA through 9 games last season with STL before he had to shut it down with an oblique injury.
These moves plus the last 2 seasons acquisitions are what give us the nod in the AL Central. I look forward to what OOH JACKSON! has to do this year. I would love to see that power stroke start to develop. Miguel should have another day at the office should he be able to keep his hands off his wife and the bottle of Jack. JV should have his slide piece and Mr. Snappy working to perfection. Basically, if we don't sign Grilli or let Zumaya play "Cliffs of Dover" on GH3, I think we have a shot to make the playoffs. However, should Justin Morneau come up to bat in the bottom of the 9th in a tie game against the Tigers with the crown on the line and I have him on my fantasy team and he's not sitting out like a vagina with concussion-like symptoms, I may have trouble cheering against him if I am playing an arch rival in fantasy that week.

Ready, Down, Hoke-Hoke-Hoke-Hoke!

First of all, if you didn't get the Tecmo Bowl reference you might as well stop reading now because clearly you aren't old enough to remember the days of smash-mouth Michigan football and 8-bit video game systems. In which case you are certainly not old enough to understand some of the other references in this blog celebrating the hire of our new football coach. If you giggled, even slightly, enjoy this masterpiece.

Why is Brady Hoke the answer for the revival of Michigan football? Are you ready? Open your brain tank brah cuz here comes some premium high octane knowledge.........



The 2011 defense will employ a 4-3 scheme. Blogged.



Oh that's not enough for you? It should be, but whatever... here's some more for the impatient, sense of entitlement having, instant gratification seeking lot of Michigan fans.

First let me say that I've been an advocate for Brady Hoke since before he got hired so I'm not just some "support whoever the coach is" crybaby like a lot of Michigan slappies. Although I will say, once a coach is hired he does deserve our full support because that's the only chance our team has of being successful and as fans we can't do anything about it anyway. Our entire reason of being is support, so get on board. Here a couple of my facebook posts with dates (roughly a week before Hoke was hired.)


Bo Schembechler didn't have big program experience as a head coach, neither did Lloyd Carr, Hoke was an assistant at UM and turned around two programs that were in the dumps. Other coaches without big time experience include Jim Tressel - Youngstown St, Urban Meyer - Miami(OH)/Utah, Jim Harbaugh - San Diego St, Bob Stoops (asst coach), Gene Chizik, Chip Kelly, Gary Patterson, Chris Peterson are all doing well and did not come from big programs. If Brandon likes Hoke... I like Hoke.January 5 at 2:00pm

Brady Hoke certainly satisfies everything Brandon laid out in that press conference ( I agree, DB is polished, decisive, first class, and direct... he will not stop until UM Football is back at the pinnacle). I am also sick of the "Michigan... Man" mantra and Hoke will even satisfy those turkeys who still chant it. Hoke has midwestern recruiting ties as well and can flash a National Championship Michigan ring to recruits. I don't think there is a snowball's chance in hell that Les Miles gets more than a sniff. I'd be surprised if it is anyone but Hoke at this point and the only others I'd welcome would be Harbaugh, Meyer or steal Stoops or someone. I want a coach who does what Brandon said, gets what being the Michigan Coach is all about and knows the pressure, wants the pressure and can handle the pressure. I want a Tressel like declaration, a Harbaugh like guarantee, something that gets the blood of everyone Buckeye fan to boil and the skin of every Wolverine to tingle. Bring back the tradition, the swagger and with it the success. GO BLUE!!

January 5 at 3:23pm


Anyone who questions the Brady Hoke hire by David Brandon clearly has not done their homework. Not only is Brady Hoke the best man for the job; this is the best move by Brandon since he became AD (other highlights include scheduling the first night game in Michigan Stadium history, installing permanent lights for Michigan Stadium and promising new scoreboards for the 2011 season, deciding to catch up with the times in basketball facilities and build a practice facility along with Crisler Arena renovations to come). I will be the first to say that I wanted Jim Harbaugh with a passion. He was the quick fix to everything wrong with Michigan football in its current state. As soon as I heard he was likely headed to the NFL and that Brady Hoke was probably going to be the guy (a few weeks before he was announced), I started researching. Shame on you if you have an opinion on Brady Hoke and it is not educated. A quick glance at his coaching stops and his overall record as a head coach makes the hire seem like a head scratcher. Dig a little deeper and you will realize what a 'diamond in the rough' hire this really is. The more I learned and continue to learn about Coach Hoke the more I feel he is the absolute best man for the job. Better than Harbaugh, better than Miles, better than Urban Meyer or any other pipe dream you had in mind. If you like Michigan football get ready to be excited about the future....

Laundry list of reasons Brady Hoke is the perfect fit for U of M

-Born in Ohio, father played for Woody Hayes at Miami of OH and has great respect for Coach Hayes. Grew up cheering against Coach Hayes at OSU, however.... Brady Hoke grew up a fan of the Maize n Blue while all his friends cheered for the home school. Understands the tradition and the rivalry. Calls OSU "that school in Ohio." The guy just gets it.

-Played college ball and was on both ends of the totem pole. Walked on as a freshman, Captain and MVP as a senior. Went through a coaching change. This guy can relate with ANY recruit and any player on his team. He's been there.

-He has recruiting ties to the Midwest and California. From what I hear the guy has the best personality of anyone to step foot in a prospect's home. People gravitate toward him and his players will do anything for him. Stories keep flooding out about well regarded this man is by players who played for him, coaches who coached with him, and people who have been someway associated with Brady Hoke.

-Coached on Michigan's staff from 1995-2002, coached DEFENSE (D-Line specifically), has 5 Big Ten rings and 1 National Championship ring. I think recruits will like those.

-Brady Hoke has turned around TWO putrid programs. He took Ball State to the brink of a BCS bowl berth and in just two seasons turned SDSU into a contender in the Mountain West against former conference titans, TCU and Utah (now of the Big East and Pac Ten respectively). SDSU won just 2 games in 2008, in 2010 they won 9 games and lost 4 by margins of 3 to Mizzou, 3 to BYU, 5 to #2 TCU (oh yeah they scored more points against TCU than anyone else all season (35 points) including Wisconsin who averaged 41.5) and 4 to #19 Utah.

-The best coaches in NCAA history didn't go from one Big Time program to another Big Time program. Granted, anyone who comes to Michigan to coach is getting a promotion (in my eyes), but all of the best coaches did great things and made names for themselves at small schools and then hit the big time and went on to great success there as well. Good coaches are good coaches and it doesn't matter where they coach they will be successful... unless of course their team wears Honolulu blue.

-Coach Hoke won Mountain West Coach of the Year for 2010, his team was 19th in scoring offense with 35 points per game 36th in points against on defense at 22.1. Sounds a little better than our 25th(32.8ppg) and 108th (35.2ppg) doesn't it? The only category that Hoke's team wasn't better than ours in 2010... rushing ypg. Thanks to Big Ten Offensive POY and MVP Denard Robinson.

-Speaking of Robinson, coach Hoke has already solidified his best recruit for 2011 in retaining the star QB for the Wolverines and plans to adapt his offense around Robinson's skill set. Imagine that.

-If you watched the press conference I shouldn't even need to sell you on Hoke to be honest but if you happened to miss it you missed the best advertisement for his hire. The guy bleeds maize and blue. He oozes character, charisma, pride and just has the IT factor that we needed. He put Drew Sharp in his place.... need I go on? He is determined to restore Michigan to greatness and BELIEVES that Michigan is Michigan and always will be. Anyone who thinks differently is stupid.

-The guy WANTS to be at Michigan. It is his dream job and it is his family. Said he would have walked from San Diego and would coach for FREE. The guy accepted the job without discussing money, absolutely unheard of.

Brandon told the team he interviewed Jim Harbaugh, Les Miles and lots of others in his search to find them the best coach for Michigan in America, that he officially offered the job to only one man, Brady Hoke, and that Hoke accepted immediately.

Brandon said, "But you don't even know what I'm going to pay you!” Hoke responded, “I don't care!"

David Brandon conducted a national search as promised and despite people's thoughts otherwise, he wanted Harbaugh first but Harbaugh wanted the NFL. He talked to many other coaches and was shocked and how arrogant and self serving they all were. Brady Hoke was the only man who wanted the job desperately because of his love for the University. He didn't want it to build his resume or to boost his ego. He wanted it because he truly loves this place with every fiber of his soul, just like I do and just like most fans and alums do.

Looking for more proof? Look no further than Hoke's most recent staff hire. Greg Mattison who has spent the last two seasons as the Baltimore Ravens Defensive Coordinator decided to make a lateral move and become Michigan's DC. How many NFL coaches would do this? Not many. This speaks to two things. Michigan is a special place to coach and more significantly, Brady Hoke is one helluva human being. The head coach of the Baltimore Ravens John Harbaugh told Greg Mattison before he accepted the job, "The job you've done here is unbelievable, but I would understand if you went to Michigan because it's Michigan. I would understand because it's Brady Hoke."

From The Detroit News: http://detnews.com/article/20110118/SPORTS0201/101180435/New-defensive-coordinator-Greg-Mattison---Michigan-is-a-special-place-#ixzz1BSF1ngJL This is the article on the Mattison DC hire. If you read nothing else, this should sell you on Brady Hoke. People want to coach with him, kids want to play for him, period.

If that doesn't get you fired up as a Michigan fan, check your pulse. Here's a quote from the coach that ought to get the blood flowing.


"I think there's a toughness level (required in college football). I still believe you win with defense. That's been beaten into my head a long time, but I really believe that. The toughness of your team has to be the offensive front and your defensive front." -Brady Hoke


This is from a former player who I email with frequently. A little Hoke joke.

A very good friend of mine called me today. He has a buddy who coached under Tom Osborne at Nebraska - our new Big Ten foe. When my buddy asked him what he thought about the coaching change from Rich Rod to Brady, he stated the following:

Coach Rich Rod is like the gorgeous girl friend you take to the senior prom. She flirts with you, makes all the moves but she will never get you off. Coach Hoak is like the fat chick that might not be all that attractive but gives you great head.

I have never coached in the Big Ten but I think I know what he was trying to say! We'll see where this takes us!

If you want more evidence I've got plenty of it, with references. I believe in Brady Hoke and so does everyone who meets him. If you don't, tell me why and I'll tell you you're stupid.

Doppelgangers

Building off the horrific picture that Stefan posted, I present you with these. Skinner really does look like I-robot...it's pretty creepy.

ND DE OMG

Don't look now, but it appears ND has 6 (count 'em) DE's committed to this 2011 class, 3 of whom are 5-star prospects.

http://recruiting.scout.com/a.z?s=73&p=9&c=8&toinid=704&yr=2011

This is Kelly's, what, second class? I'd think the impact would be on offense, given his status as "offensive genius". But aside from the one 4-star QB in this class, and the #1 TE in the country, the offensive recruiting is... meh.

Do you mean to tell me that an offensive-minded head coach can recruit defense?!? I didn't think it was possible...

Not For The Faint Of Heart

If you missed Al Davis introducing Hue Jackson the other day, half of his skull was missing. He is now officially a Zombie.

The New Greg Is Way Better Than The Old Greg

So we finally replaced our bumbling idiot of a defensive coordinator Greg with this really awesome guy named Greg. Despite the first name, the improvement from Robinson to Mattison is on par with Curry to Jordan.

Mattison is a Michigan man who has a great respect for the program in addition to being overwhelmingly qualified for the position. He has spent the last two years coordinating the feared Ravens defense (He replaced my least favorite human being on the planet, Rex Ryan). He has an excellent rapport with Hoke; in fact, he said Brady was the ONLY reason he took the job.

This is really exciting news for Michigan fans. Mattison should do wonders for recruiting. First of all, he admitted that recruiting is his favorite part of the college job. Second of all, imagine how fired up he can get these city stars when he shares stories about coaching Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, Haloti Ngata, and Terrel Suggs.

This is a real home run hire for Michigan, and one that would not have been made without Hoke. I know a lot of people were disappointed in the hiring of Hoke, but this move should start bringing some of the naysayers around. I agree that the process in which the job search was conducted was completely ridiculous, but it is Brandon that deserves our ire for that. I think it's time that we rally behind Hoke. He's done and said all the right things so far. Good job coach. Now keep it coming.

Rich Eisen comments

Rich Eisen is pretty much giving Brady Hoke an old fashioned across the airwaves in this interview, if you haven't heard it (interview starts at about 28:34):

NFL Championship Podcast

Rich Eisen, as a Meech alum, has apparently not been shy over the last few years in expressing his lack of support for Rich Rodriguez. Is he an asshole? It's guaranteed Stefan probably hates him, as Eisen is both Jewish and alive, but at least the dude wasn't guarded in his opinion. Though he represents the sizeable chunk of the fanbase that has constantly assailed the direction of the program that they should unconditionally support, this begs the question: should you unconditionally support the team and the head coach, especially if you vehemently disagree?

This past season (as well as the two before it, but especially this one) have been a struggle for me as a Michigan fan. Turk and I lay at opposite ends of the spectrum on this one, not surprisingly. Whereas Turk managed to maintain, in the face of pure awfulness, that RR deserves more of a chance and that he has gotten a raw deal, I was hollering for him to be fired by the end of the season. Despite a few waverings and blowups, I was publicly an RR supporter right up until the meltdown at the hands of PSU on Halloween this season. After that, I finally switched camps and embraced my anti-RR leanings that I had tried to bottle up knowing that unwavering support of the program was the right thing to do.

My article on OTE talked about the Hoke hiring as essentially reuniting this exasperated Eisen-esque contingent of the Michigan "fanbase" by re-emphasizing the so-called values of the elusive "Michigan Man".

I say bravo, Rich Eisen, for unabashedly expressing what so many fans were feeling but didn't think it right to say (I don't include myself in that, as I was truly a supporter for most of RR's tenure). Yes, it amounted to the essential hari-kari of our program, as the Meech fanbase devoured, debased and undermined itself. But if Hoke wins and restores the program to it's hallowed ranks among the elite, was Eisen right all along?

Is David Brandon the right man?

The recent coaching search fiasco at the University of Michigan has put University Athletic Director David Brandon firmly in the crosshairs of many Michigan fans. It is not as much the fact that Brandon dismissed Rich Rodriguez after three tumultuous seasons that irks Michigan supporters. The bumbling, borderline comical manner in which Brandon conducted the subsequent search for Rodriguez's replacement is the main reason behind the dissatisfaction within the Michigan community over the hiring of Brady Hoke. While it would be inappropriate to insinuate that Michigan fans are hoping for Hoke's failure, there is a strong feeling amongst many of , that's it? Brady Hoke...the San Diego State Guy? In the days following Rodriguez's ouster, Michigan fans were bombarded with assertions from the local and national talking heads reassuring us of the status of the Michigan head coaching as being one of the elite coaching jobs in college sports. Then the reports of interest from Jim Harbaugh, Jon Gruden, and other big-named coaches in the Michigan job. This all happened before Rich Rodriguez was fired. Then came...nothing. Jim Harbaugh was courted by the Dolphins( a huge sign that he was not coming here since Stephen Ross is the Michigan booster) and ultimately ended up moving down the road to San Francisco to make $5 million a year and have a legitimate chance at winning the NFC West next season. Jon Gruden is still in the broadcast booth, Gary Patterson is building a kingdom at TCU, and Chris Peterson really, really likes Boise. We are left holding ourselves at the altar like a jilted bride, when our knight in a shining white baseball cap arrived.

Les Miles entered the picture as a viable(at least in our eyes) candidate to restore the Michigan empire. He wasn't perfect. He chewed grass, he may or may have not have done something inappropriate with a fellow coach's significant other as a young coach here, he may not have any idea of what down it is or how much time is left on the clock, or even how many players he's supposed to have on the field, but damnit Les Miles has four 11 win seasons in six years with a National Title and an SEC title (or two?). On top of that he fulfilled the apparently mandatory requirement that the head coach of Michigan have some tie to the Bo Schembechler era. Les Miles was a former Michigan player and coach. The man even met his wife in Ann Arbor while he was a student. This was his chance to finish his coaching career in its rightful place. We would forgive him when he cost us a game against Purdue when we forgot to spike the ball as long as he could beat Ohio State 2 out of 3 years. He essentially would have been Lloyd Carr (1998-2003) with advanced clock management dementia. This could have been Les Miles's second chance at the Michigan job and it definitely was his last and he turned it down. He turned it down to make less money and have a lower buyout at LSU. The fact that a coach would turn down more money to coach at his alma mater and return to a school where he is on a constant hot seat for less money and a cheaper buyout is interesting.

Then came the swift hiring of Brady Hoke. Within hours of being rejected( or so we thought?) by Les Miles, Michigan had found their man. The obvious third( or last in the eyes of many fans) choice for the Wolverines was the former Ball State and San Diego State coach. He had a career record of 47-50 and some were skeptical of his ability to retain Denard Robinson. The Hoke supporters trumpeted the return of a "Michigan Man". The people against Hoke's hiring were not so much skeptical of the man himself( personally, I think we will be ok with him) but rather David Brandon's inability to prevent media leaks and internet gossip from being accepted as fact combined with the Athletic Department coating Schembechler Hall in secrecy sheets during the entire hiring process. I found it rather odd, that despite admitting to speaking with Jim Harbaugh and admitting to meeting with Les Miles, that David Brandon only offered the job to Brady Hoke. That is ridiculous and it is difficult to pull the wool over the eyes of such an educated fan base. Are we to believe that his conversations with Harbaugh and Miles were about Michigan's football program and that he didn't use that opportunity to at least gauge their interest? If he didn't at least ask Jim Harbaugh and Les Miles if they were interested then David Brandon should be taken to the Tri-Delt house and used as an STD petri dish. Something is fishy on State Street and it certainly isn't the BOX house. I think that we might have erred in hiring a private sector CEO like Brandon to be our AD. The two worlds are not alike. We have to think about hiring a coach that will fill up the stadium, pay off the stadium, and keep us winning big so we can continue to build genetics labs and new dorms. Brandon seems to have made a decision for the good old boy network of alumni and I think that if it is unsuccessful it will cause a huge rift between the old and young alumni.

I hate this man with every fiber of my being

Bart Scott Rant

Bart Scott tells us about poetic justice and even references epistaxis! If the Jets make the Superbowl, I promise you I will watch all 9 hours of the Puppy Bowl instead of the fucking Jets. Speaking of the Puppy Bowl which will be airing on Animal Planet on February 6, 2011 at 3:00 pm Eastern/2:00 pm Central, word on the street is that they are adding a "kiss cam"...I am not sure what my thoughts are on dogs kissing dogs on television but I assure you I will be watching if the Jets go to the bowl...

And for the record, if you don't watch the Puppy Bowl for at least 5 minutes on Super Bowl Sunday or you don't think this dog is cute, chances are you are probably a Communist.

Rex Ryan Is A Dummy

Big weekend of football. I did not get to see most of the games but the Steelers/Ravens game looked like a classic battle that was won in the trenches by the better team. I think if Polamalu can stay healthy, the Terrible Towels could win the whole thing. With that being said, GB looked unstoppable. Good thing John Abraham of ATL mocked Aaron Rodgers after sacking him early in the 3rd. I'd say Rodgers got the last laugh with like 800 yards and 4 total TDs. GB did a damn good job at making a normally stout defense look awful and I think they have to be the favorites thus far. And let the record state, Clay Matthews is a horrifying human being. They managed to hold Michael Turner to 10 for 39 yards. I have been on the GB defensive bandwagon all year (man crush: Charles Woodson) and they are playing their best football when it counts.
Seattle/Bears game kicks shortly and I recommend going back to sleep or watching paint dry. Both activities would be more interesting. I would rather watch the London Silly Nannies than the shit that is about to be on. However, I think Matt Forte is the key to da bears W. If he can run strong between the tackles, catch a few screen passes, and hit pay dirt once, I think Chi wins. Hassleback will have to repeat his last week miracle of shredding NO secondary to have a shot. And with Peppers breathing down his neck, I just dont see it happening. Bears 21-Seattle 10 and Hassleback breaks his hip.
Oh...the Jets and Pats. Bart Scott said he was going to cripple Wes Welker today for his comments on Rex Ryan's foot fetish. I can't stand Rex Ryan. He is a jumbo turd and I hope he is put out of his misery today. I would like to see a good game, but I wan't it to be in the fashion of a last second, tearing out Ryan's soul style. It's hard for me to cheer for NE though because they are cocky jerks, as well. So, who do I cheer for? AIDS or cancer? My choice: cheer against Rex Ryan and his foot fetish. If Tom Terrific can stay away from the on the field shit talking and maintain his focus, I think he can carve up this Jets secondary like their last meeting. If the Pats come out running their mouths, I really think it plays into the hands of the Jets. Let's hope Sanchez's shoulder explodes or this happens. Have fun watching the games, friends!

The Decision vs. Melodrama

Last year, I invited a buddy into a fantasy basketball league and he declined on the grounds that he couldn't stand watching the NBA anymore. At the time, I scoffed at him and his reasoning but the more I thought about it and the more I watch pro hoops players, the more I realize that these guys are fucking babies. Go ahead...watch a Pistons game on FSN or ESPN (which they haven't played on in ages because they are worse than University of Phoenix Online). Every drive, every "hanging, rainbow gun off the high glass (A La Blaha)" is followed by someone bitching about a no call and complaining to the referee. What happened to the days of Magic vs. Bird when we were growing up? Those guys played with passion and heart and didn't try and win over the refs. What happened to the epic slugfests in the playoffs and where do these guys get off thinking they are God's gift to mankind? Why can't everyone just grow mustaches like Bird and stop complaining?

I think everyone can agree with me that "The Decision" will go down in history as one of the worst moments in NBA history. And even worse, I watched the whole fucking show! Now, we have the drama that comes with Melo's possible trade? Does he go to NY? Does he go to NJ? To tell you the truth, I don't care one bit and I have been an avid watcher of the NBA since I was in utero. He states that he did not want to go about this possible move like Lebron did, but stories about Melo flood sportscenter like the stories of Brett Farve's cock and Tiger Woods' strumpets.

So where do we go from here? I suppose I could stop supporting the NBA on TNT or ESPN, but let's be serious...watching this makes me chortle like a schoolboy. Do I stop playing fantasy basketball in an effort to take a stand against what the NBA has become? Not going to lie, it probably won't happen due to my man crushes (i.e. Monta Ellis, Durant, David Lee, Josh Smith, Gerald Wallace).

Bottom line...David Stern needs to get control of his boys that are running around like primadonna's. They make $10000000/year to play fucking basketball for 4-6 months/year! That is a dream for like 75% of dudes. Perhaps I will try my luck, grow out a blonde mustache, lose 40 pounds, and try out for the Pistons.

Welcome

Hello turds,

I have decided to start a blog for friendship. Feel free to write about anything but I assumed it would be geared towards sports. Good topics to write on would be Brady Hokes FUPA, Rex Ryan's chins, or Jim Tressel's sweater vests. I assume this blog will have about 3 posts and then fizzle out, but let's give it a try anyway...

Go Chahjas Go!