Hey...Youuu...Guys!: Yanks Sign Chris "Big Red" Shelton to 1 Year, $15 Trillion Deal

It's so easy to dislike NY sports teams, isn't it? Whether it's Rex Ryan running his big mouth, Brandon Jacobs throwing his helmet into a crowd of blind people, Spike Lee talking shit to opposing teams, ARod popping pills, or cheap shots from Sean Avery, NY sports teams are the scum of the galaxy. I feel like all the coaches and athletes should be hanging out in the Cantina Bar acting shady listening to this. I can count on one hand the NY athletes that I can tolerate: Amare, Lundqvist, Umenyiora, Cano, and Jeter. Allow me to give an example.

Can you name any of the top 10 highest paid players in the mlb for 2010? Take a minute and give it some thought...

1	Alex Rodriguez	$33,000,000
2	C.C. Sabathia	$24,285,714
3	Derek Jeter	$22,600,000
4	Mark Teixeira	$20,625,000
5	Johan Santana	$20,144,707
6	Miguel Cabrera	$20,000,000
7	Carlos Beltran	$19,401,569
8	Ryan Howard	$19,000,000
9	Carlos Lee	$19,000,000
10	Alfonso Soriano	$19,000,000

If you are doing your math at home that's $100 million for 4 Yankee players. $100,000,000 spent on 4 players in 1 year. Break down the numbers a little bit more and see that ARod, if he plays all 162 games in a season, makes over $200,000 PER GAME. If that doesn't blow your mind, I don't know what does. ARod even gets paid to play in October where we all know he excels. So while we work 40 hours a week for $80 G's a year, ARod is playing 1 baseball game for over double your yearly income. I haven't seen math this amazing since Scott Steiner's lesson. And I know what you will say...ARod puts asses in the seats and makes the franchise money. And you're right, I do not have a rebuttal for that...damnit. Just kind of sick that athletes make this kind of money, while normal, hardworking people work so much for so little in comparison.

To give these overpaid babies credit, ARod, CC, Jeter, and Tex are 4 of the best players at their positions. But here's something you might not know (changing gears)...I will now post a players stat line for the last 3 years.
2008: 63 R, 20 HR, 78 RBI, .300
2009: 84, 16, 66, .260
2010: 79, 31, 88, .273
Those aren't crazy numbers. This gentleman is a .280 career hitter over about 12 seasons and will make about $23 million in 2011, which will put him in top 3 paid players for the year. He sits at 32 years old and is on the down slope of his career and just signed with a new team. Any guesses on who it might be? Vernon. Freaking. Wells. If you don't know much about him, you're not alone. I'm not quite sure why the Angels decided to bring him in with a veteran Torii Hunter, but whatever. If LAA was going for a second outfielder born in the Cretaceous Era, then they have succeeded. Vernon Wells' agent should be promoted! And don't even get me started on Barry Zito making $18.5 mil last year. His arm is made of wheat.

Outside of my hatred for NY sports teams, what I am getting at is that the MLB needs a salary cap. Fuck this idea of a "luxury tax" where teams pay chump change if they go over the limit. Selig needs to knuckle up and give a number. And that is all a team can use for players. The Yanks spend roughly $40 million more than the next closest team. Unfair advantage? I'd say so. I'm pretty sure the Nats and DBacks pay their players in buffalo nickels, sand dollars, and the Vietnamese dong. And while were on the topic of what Selig should do, I propose a no tolerance policy on PEDs. I don't care if you are ARod, Pujols or Augie Ojeda. You get caught with a banned substance in your blood, you get a year off without your obnoxiously large salary and you are forced to eat Mr. Pizza/Burrito Joint for the whole time. Boom, roasted.

In addition to these 2 rules, I believe the league needs more guys like Gil Meche. Dude retired from KC and apparently left $12 million on the table so the franchise could use the money to develop younger players. That is the epitome of classy. If the MLB had more guys like that, there would be a lot more heart/soul in the game. Speaking of heart/soul, I know you are wondering about the whereabouts of previous Tiger phenom, Chris Shelton. He is currently in the Astros minor league system trying to improve on his .043 career OPS.

In closing, to the NY sports fans and players who think they are God's gift to mankind, you guys are awful. I can only hope that you never hoist a championship banner again. You clowns are ridiculous and classless.